If you missed it you can read part 1 of my labor story HERE :)
My memory is hazy about the pushing stage. I remember pushing as hard as I could and thinking 'Yep, I know what to do', my body knew what it was doing. I gave it everything. Some people say that they couldn't feel the pushing stage after they had the Epidural, but I'm not sure what they mean because I felt like I could feel it and I knew when to push as each contraction came. As each contraction came it was very painful and I screamed. A lot. I don't honestly know how long I pushed for in total. I just remember thinking, 'Okay I'm doing it and I know that I'm doing it right, I can feel it, I cannot possibly push any harder.' but it wasn't enough. The Midwives wanted more - I couldn't give any more. I screamed at them that to tell them but they kept asking for me to push harder.
It actually felt like Ethan was stuck, there was just no way I could have pushed any harder. I think the Epidural started to wear off as I was able to feel one of my legs. It was my right leg and it went into a spasm and oh my god the pain of the spasm in my leg was bloody awful! The student midwife was so kind, she started to massage it for me to try and help but it just wouldn't stop. It was honestly just so so so painful. They put my legs up in stirrups to help me push but it made my leg spasm so much worse so I took my legs down and refused to put them back in.
People were coming in and out, Doctors and Senior Midwives. I guess this was because I was screaming so much and because I was taking too long to get him out. In the end they decided I needed help to give birth. A while later a Doctor came in also called 'Alex', she was pretty scary to be honest. Her attitude was like 'Right we are getting this baby out right now! No messing around.' She had the type of attitude I needed, she knew I couldn't get him out and so she was going to help me and it was going to happen right then! I ended up giving birth to Ethan by Kiwi Ventouse, which is a suction cup which they put on baby's head, as I pushed they pulled. Now this is graphic - but I felt like I was being plungered internally! It was very traumatic, but maybe it wasn't entirely the type of birth, I think it was probably just the fact that there I was having a baby come out of me.
Ethan arrived into the world at 20:04 and was placed on me. I was in shock and was crying hysterically, I was full of emotion. I couldn't believe he was finally here. Again this part of the story is very hazy to me. I know that I held him for a while as Adam and I shared some happy tears. Then Adam took him, he took his top off so that he could hold Ethan against his chest on his skin. I was losing a lot of blood, they gave me an injection to deliver the placenta and I had some stitches. My blood went everywhere even on the Doctor, I lost more than I should have. This was scary but I just focused on Ethan and Adam cuddling to block out everything else {Hence why it's hazy to me}. I think I blocked out a lot about the birth, it would be interesting to know if this happens to a lot of other women, as sometimes I read birth stories on other blogs and it seems that the woman is able to recall every single detail.
We spent the evening together until around 11pm, which is when Ethan and I were moved up to the postnatal ward. Ethan was brilliant that night - he literally didn't cry once. I couldn't get him to breastfeed so the midwife fed him a bottle whilst I tried to sleep. The other babies on the ward would wake all night crying and I'd wake each time because of this, I thought they'd wake Ethan but they didn't and even when they did, Ethan didn't cry at all.
The next morning I was upset, I felt traumatised. I was in pain and I felt very very unwell. I couldn't stand without feeling like I was going to fall and on top of the trauma from the previous day and the realisation that I was now a Mum with a brand new baby to look after, it all got too much. The midwives said I could have Adam come in early because of how upset I was which was really good of them. I noticed that all of the other Mum's were up and were able to go to the toilet and shower, but I couldn't - I couldn't stand for more than a minute - I felt so faint.
I couldn't face visitors that day although my Mum and Step-Dad popped in for about half an hour. The Midwives were telling me that it was best I stayed at the Hospital as I wasn't able to walk to the toilet un-aided, but I felt so claustrophobic on the ward. It was hot and just completely stifling. My Mum managed to convince the Midwives to move me to a new ward next to a window and this did help me feel like I could breath. However I was adamant I wasn't going to stay, so armed with tablets, my notes, my new baby and my ultra-supportive Husband we packed up and went home. I felt SO much better to be home with Adam.
At home I could barely walk to the toilet, I couldn't shower without Adam holding me up, I just wasn't able to do anything without feeling like I was going to instantly faint. It was a couple of days later when I attempted to shower by myself whilst Adam was downstairs with Ethan and guests. I remember feeling very faint {as was usual} but then I realised I'd gone from standing to laying on the bottom of the bath tub shaking violently. I realised I'd fainted.
I called Adam's Mum {Ethan's Grandma} round to the house to look after Ethan whilst Adam and I went to the Hospital. We were told to go back to the Labour Ward, there they did various tests on me including taking my blood pressure whilst sitting/standing and then walking down the corridor aided. It appeared that my blood pressure and oxygen levels were dropping to levels they shouldn't have been dropping to when I stood up and walked. With my symptoms they told me that they believed strongly that I had a blood clot on the lung, this was very very upsetting to hear for both Adam and I. I was so worried that something would happen to me. The Doctors were convinced that they'd found the problem and they said that they'd scan me the next day to know for sure using a cat scan and ink that they'd put through my body. The moved me to the High Dependency ward that night and Adam went home to look after Ethan. That was my first and only night so far away from Ethan, it was a very hard night and I was very upset.
It turned out to our relief after the scan the next day that the scan was clear - it wasn't a blood clot! We were so thankful and happy, it was a big weight off of our shoulders. Though as much as we were so happy, we now again didn't know what was actually wrong. The Doctors wanted to keep me in to monitor me, but I couldn't bare the thought of being away from Ethan and Adam again. I would have been able to have Ethan come and stay in with me but I wasn't well enough to care for him even with the help that the midwives would have given me and I wanted him to be at home and not stuck in Hospital. We stayed all day whilst they decided whether or not they'd discharge me, in the end they agreed.
Waiting to be discharged. I knew that the best place for me was at home, Ethan was being looked after by Adam and Adam had told me that he felt that he wasn't under any more pressure by having me home as he was having to spend all day with me at the Hospital anyway. I wanted to go home so that I could get some dignity, have my own bed and more importantly start being a Mum.
Outside room 9 where I'd gave birth to Ethan just days before.I was able to walk out of the Hospital by learning on Ethan's pram, which was better than the last time I'd left the Hospital as the time before I'd been pushed out in a wheelchair.
Back at home I started to feel emotionally so much better straight away, and though it took a long time weeks in fact, I slowly started to physically improve. I was taking iron tablets because I was very anaemic because of my blood loss, I'm pretty sure this was mostly responsible for me being so poorly and faint. I also started to realize that the Epidural hadn't properly worn off, my leg and bum still felt numb when I touched them on one side. I spoke to the Doctor about it, and she told me that it wasn't uncommon for the Epidural to hang around for a while. Looking back - I think that a mix of the low iron, the fact that the epidural hadn't completely gone, having low blood pressure to begin with and my blood loss in labor combined with the exhaustion of giving birth was responsible for me feeling constantly faint.
Ethan the night I came home. Looking tired and almost moody haha.
I am happy to report that I am completely better now, well not completely - I still take the iron because I'm still low in Iron. But apart from that - I'm back to me! I'd have to say that the hardest part of childbirth for me personally was actually the being poorly after labor. But though I was unwell, I remember clearly sitting there the day after Ethan was born crying because I felt so terrible physically, I was sobbing but at the same time saying, 'I want another one!'. Being pregnant, giving birth, having a child - it's just the best... all of it. It's an experience like no other. Yeah, it hurts, but it's over so quickly and even if you are poorly like I was afterwards, after it's all cleared up and gone you look back and think 'Oh actually that went quite quick and now I've got this perfect and amazing baby who is all mine!'
Us now.Ethan's birth story wouldn't be complete without me mentioning that my Husband Adam, was absolutely phenomenally amazing during the whole thing. He was beyond supportive and I will never ever forget what he did for me and Ethan and how hard he worked to keep us going. Ethan and I relied on him completely and he was my hero. I'm a very lucky person to have him as a Husband and Ethan is very lucky to have him as his Dad.
I'm sorry that this has been so long but I hope that you've enjoyed reading Ethan's birth story, I obviously haven't included everything because if I did I'd never stop typing. I've tried to include the main parts, but if you have any questions or think I've missed something then please just let me know.
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