Etiquette

Wow. Some people can be so fucking dumb in a social situation. If you are fortunate enough to be included in an intimate group of six or eight people in a dinner party situation, here are a couple of tips for you dumb-fucks who don't have a clue...
1. In spite of what you might think, you are probably not the most interesting person at the table. From time to time, shut the fuck up about yourself. Everyone else has stuff to tell, and  it might just be a bit more interesting than your inane twaterrings. Not convinced? Shut up for a few minutes and find out.
2. Music. If you're not the host, don't be the DJ. Keep your iPod or whatever it is in your bag and let the hosts choose their music.
3. If you do insist on being the uninvited DJ, just put the music on and let things flow. Mostly, people don't want an amateur lecture in music genres; they're just there to to chill and have a good time. Stop interrupting tracks to go on to the next track. And stop asking if everyone thinks this track is as awesome as you think it is. That question gets very tired very quickly.
4. Chill. Just fucking chill and try to let everyone else have a good time.
5. You were probably talking about how fascinating you think you are while I was writing number one, so stop, take a breath and read number one again.
6. You are not the child of Christ. Okay? You are probably quite a nice person, but you are not any better or more spectacular than anyone else at the table. Again, shut the fuck up and let others talk about themselves; everyone else probably already knows everything there is to know about you because you never shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
7. It's not a competition. Generally, people just want to share. They just want to share their stuff, their food, their hospitality, their stories and their lives. Why do you think it's a competition? It isn't. It just isn't.
8. That is all for now.