I didn’t want to go to the workshop particularly, but I felt I needed to go so I went and I’m glad I went but damn, I resent that I have to be attending a woman dealing with cancer thing, especially when some folks just don’t get that dealing with cancer doesn’t end with the surgery or the remission or the end of chemo or the ending of whatever the person’s treatment has been.
Facts are facts: I will continue to return to my doctor every six months for skin checks. Recurrence is fairly likely, hopefully it won’t be overly invasive next time. I have gotten better at not simmering in it, but there are moments when I still poke a hot stick into my scar saying, “The place where the cancer was deepest continues to be a grizzled sight to me. It has only been five months, it has only been five months, it has only been five months….”
Women get cancer. I got cancer. I have recovered from cancer. Cancer doesn’t create who I am AND I may use my cancer to continue to express myself creatively. I never know when my creative process and product will be exactly what another person needs to see, to feel what she needs to feel, to get to the roots of what she needs to process.
May we all, collectively, feel better about our relationship with cancer. And if we feel a sense of resentment or whatever it is we feel, may we find people, places and projects which will help us to express the inexpressable.
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© 2013 by Julie Jordan Scott