Monday: Thank you to all the overachiever parents who asked my child this morning what the leprechaun left her. The “leprechaun” then had to rush out to freakin’ Target to find some treasure under the rainbow. This “leprechaun” also found vodka.
Tuesday: I may or may not have just told my kids there’s a bedtime fairy who gives McDonalds in the morning to those who go to bed early.
Wednesday: I don’t have any scientific proof but I believe there is a direct correlation between putting underwear on a toddler and them pooping in it 5 minutes later.
Thursday: All the Frozen DVD’s should be sold with a free flask and one of those small bottles of minibar vodka. I should seriously be in marketing.
Friday: My elderly neighbor just asked me what a hashtag was and if you use it on “that Twatter thing”. Twatter is now officially my favorite word.
And by the way, I’m on Twitter too. Come follow along there – it’s where I attempt to be sarcastic in under 140 characters. I’m at @martinisandmini.