Being home again has made me remember things I haven’t thought of for years…
As I was mowing Poppa’s lawn for him, even though he told me it didn’t need it, I was remembering things that happened here as a child, that I totally forgot about.
As I was speeding along mowing (well not really, it’s too bumpy to speed) I was thinking, hmmm…when we were little this was where we used to have the chicken coop before it got burnt down…apparently my Dad and Uncle Gill burnt it down, see we have a bit of pyromania in my family, or wait…is that just boys???? Probably…
I actually don’t remember the fire incident at all…but when we were young, I do remember running with my brother and my cousins, down to the coop to gather the eggs. It was like easter…even though there was no chocolate. We used to love going into the huge coop to get as many eggs as we could find. I can remember the smell…the way the light shone in, the feel of the breeze on my face. The happiness.
I remember having the pigs in a pen and being so afraid to actually stick the grass through the wire…cause they were HUGE pigs. I remember the huge and scary pigs hanging on the huge wooden hangers after they had been butchered, and eating the yummy bacon we got from the pigs. We are a messed up family, seriously. We thought it was sad that we were eatin’ Daisy, but at the same time grateful that our freezers were full.
I remember the old Chevy car in the ditch, that is now my Mom and Dad’s front yard. I remember the draw to get in it and see why it had come to the demise of the ditch down at the bottom of the property. I was sure we could fix it up and make it go again…this picture is of course not it, but we found it parked on the side of a road going up the mountain, and it was cool, so good substitution!!
When I was very small, my Nana (My Dad’s Grandma) had a wee house right across the yard from my Grandparents, it was an amazing little house to me. I loved going there to visit, she would make me tea and we would sit and talk. I always had fantasies that one day I would live there. I loved that house. I loved my Nana…even though apparently by then she didn’t really remember much, and soon after they had to send her to Essendale. See in those days, they had no idea what Alzheimer’s disease was, and she had it. They just sent you to a horrible loony bin, assuming you wouldn’t remember I suppose.
After she left, the house was lonely. I remember my Grandma letting me go and play there, and I would pretend to still make tea and talk to Nana. My tea was never as good as hers, even though they say horsetail is useful, I wouldn’t recommend it in tea.
I used to pretend that I lived in her house with my make believe husband, I would make him dinner and spend all day getting ready for him to come home from work and eat the AMAZING dinner of horsetail and bark that I would get ready.
I would make the bed and clean everything up just so…it was a small house, a bachelor suite, with a curtain that used to close off the bedroom from the kitchen and the living room, the bathroom was only a toilet and a sink, with a curtain for a door….
Hopefully my make believe husband didn’t mind the fact that I had no idea how to dress…
Or that I was a Baton wielding maniac with chicken legs…
There is nowhere on this piece of land that I have not explored.
Nowhere I haven’t laughed, or cried.
Nowhere that has not always felt like home to me.
It is a safe place, somewhere that I have known all my life I can come back to and feel loved and wanted.
It feels like that to me right now, today…as we muddle through my Dad’s heart attack, as we try to figure out what is next and where do we go from here.
He will be fine, he is a fighter and he says he feels better now than he has for years, for that we are grateful. Thankful. Blessed.
It has once again made me think, and wonder and question…where am I going in this life? Are my priorities where I need them to be?
I love this farm.
I am thankful every moment that I was raised here, that a piece of land has given me sooo much, taught me so many lessons and given me so many amazing memories.
I honestly don’t know what I would do if my parents decided to sell it.
I know I have no say in it…but I would feel like part of me was gone…lost. And that makes me a little bit sad.
I would love for my Grand-babies to hang out here one day…for them to laugh and run and have the joy that we had as kids growing up here. It is a life that so many cannot even comprehend in the world where we live now.
But just for today, I will embrace my memories…cry my tears for everyone that is gone that I miss, and smile for the luck I have to still be here, loving every second of being a country girl.
And today my Dad comes back home…to where he has always lived, to the farm that has always been his home.
Life is good…