I love big groups and fun gatherings. I love game nights and loud dinner parties. I love laughing hysterically and making snarky commentary on cheesy movies. But it's not just the activities that I love.
I love the relationships. I love the late night talks where you pour out your soul. I love FroYo dates and Panera dates and coffee dates. I love the laughter and the joy and the tears and the pain and the hurt. I love being with and growing with people.
Because of my naturally extroverted personality, I've never really had a super difficult time finding people to be around or finding "community." Within just a few weeks of us moving to any new state, I usually had already found a "best friend."
Finding community -- that is, people that you love and do life with -- is relatively easy when you're growing up. You go to school with people mostly your own age. You see them every day in classes or at after-school activities. It's the same way from the age of five to about 22 or so (for those who only complete a Bachelor's degree).
But then something happens when you graduate. You might move back home or to somewhere completely new. All of a sudden you find yourself in a completely new position -- finding community, finding people of like mind who are in a similar place in life or who even like the same bands you do isn't quite as easy as it was before. Suddenly, you find yourself terribly frustrated about what the heck to do now that you're in the "real world" with no support and feeling terribly alone.
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I was in that spot last year. A year out of college, still feeling like I hadn't quite found my place. Sure, I had a boyfriend and I had friends from college who also lived near me, but that vibrant wonderful feeling of having brothers and sisters beside you, to lift you up in any season of life is very different than having a boyfriend or a couple of friends to play pool with on a weeknight.
Then, last summer, I was asked to join what was effectively a focus group for the young adult ministry at my church. At that point in time, I wasn't particularly involved. I'd go on occasion, but the only people I really knew were the people I knew because I'd grown up at the church, not because I'd branched out. I didn't go because I didn't feel like there was a community there. As far as I could tell, most of the people were in their early to mid-30s, many of them married, several with children.
Though I knew I could learn things from them, a married woman in her early-30s with two children is simply not in the same place as a single, working 24-year-old. So I went to the meeting.
We talked about a lot of things that could be done to improve our ministry. We talked about what was being done well and what was being done poorly. One of the major things that came up was that my demographic -- single, just graduated, 20 somethings -- was being missed. And so, amidst many other conversations, by the end of that day, I was unofficially on tap to lead a small group for women in their 20s starting in the fall.
A couple of weeks later, I was in a room of established small group leaders awkwardly introducing myself as the new girl who wasn't really a small group leader but would be, and in September, I began leading a small group for women in their 20s.
We were all in similar spots and had all been feeling the desire for a community like this recently. It was clear that the small group fit a need that the church had. We met weekly and began digging into the Word and getting to know each other. I went on the retreat, started blogging and helping in other ways within the ministry, meeting people, making new friends.
And yet, as 2012 came to a close, I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my entire life.
How did that happen?
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After some time, I realized that, despite my desperate desire for uplifting community, my heart had been closed off. I spent the better part of 2012 (inadvertently) isolating myself from community because of a relationship, and though that relationship had ended (and I was much better for it having ended), I was still angry about the change. I didn't want to get to know new people. I didn't want to open myself up to new possibilities. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I had closed off my heart and forgotten to open it up again.
I don't know exactly when that shift happened, but I do know that a little over two months later, I've suddenly found myself in the midst of a beautiful, thriving, vibrant community that I absolutely love. I am developing wonderful relationships with the amazing women that make up my small group. I am getting to know the other people in community outside of the group I lead. I am developing wonderful friendships with my brothers in Christ who are amazing men of God. I don't really know how or when it happened, but it did and it's just another reminder to me how amazing and faithful my God is.
And these amazing women that I lead? We're not just getting together once a week to talk about a few verses in the Bible. We're doing life together.
A few weeks ago, we had a movie night filled with pizza, Ghiradelli brownies, and rocking out to Pitch Perfect. Last Tuesday, we had a dinner night with cheesy ice breaker games, crazy stories about toothpicks and weird medical conditions, and some (successful) baking experiments. This past Friday, we went bowling with the rest of our community and had a blast challenging our brother small group to a bowling competition (even if we did lose). On Saturday, we're having a game night complete with a make-your-own-pizza bar with our brother small group. In September, we're running a 5k together.
And interspersed with all our fun moments, we're digging into the Word together. We're holding each other accountable. We're praying for each other. We're listening to each others' hearts. We're giving and receiving advice. We're sharing stories and experiences. We're crying and laughing and rejoicing with each other.
Yes, community can be hard to find after college. It's certainly not as easy as it was when there were organized events every weekend and cool clubs you could join. Chances are, it looks different than it did when you were in high school or college. And you might have to step out of your comfort zone and do something to create it.
One of my wonderful brothers in Christ told me yesterday that he feels like I'm "blossoming" in our young adult community. And I suppose I am. But I never would've gotten where I am today if I hadn't shed my expectations for what I thought I needed and opened up my heart to what the Lord had put right in front of me.
There could be a whole community out there waiting for someone to step up. And that person who needs to step up just might be you. But community is out there. I promise.
The big question is, are you opening yourself up to the community the Lord has for you? Or are you pushing it away in favor of what you think you need? Is your heart open to the beauty of the community surrounding you, even if it looks a little different than you expected?
PS. If you're in the Northern Virginia area and looking for a great young adult community, you should check out Venture at Immanuel Bible Church. We have a pretty good time.
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The post Finding Community appeared first on Shades of Shayes.
