Diaries Magazine

Friday 14.12.2018

Posted on the 30 September 2018 by Therealme

The morning after I saw the Mines’ bus from the window going up, I waited for a while to come back.

On my way, I saw them coming down. What happened? They were on the other side of the road and I looked at Stanley, the closest from my side, he wasn’t looking at me (neither were the others). So, nothing …
-Nothing. – Someone commented (by closeness Rob D., by voice – Derr).

Further up, John exclaimed:
…to which I smiled.

I heard the driver saying to George:
-It broke down.

In Stip Andrea told me she was going to sleep in Preevytip for our Math colloquium next week.

In Campus 2, my colleagues had already entered in lecture room 1. Pete turned his head after he saw me. Thomas suggested me to sit on the PC he had sat, but I chose the row where I always sit. For the last time. The twin – Ross (Facebook gave him away) sat next to me again and during the practices asked me what Nick (fat) had asked him – until when the Electrotechnics seminar work should be handed – I didn’t know. Nelson I and this time the “it” girl were with our group. On the way out Muhammed and I did a high five (as he was greeting that way with the one before me), Serhan smiled to me, and I decided to pass over the Kumanovo guy after he stayed too long with someone. Nelson told me he was going to eat, I traditionally went on a walk. Returned, from the hall I heard the “it” girl. She has returned with us for the Electrotechnics practices finale. Once again I sat in the empty column. Just like at the beginning the it girl was in charge having others around her. Subject: Math. I was lonely. Lost hope again. Nelson I asked me if I understood the exercises, I replied “So-so”.
-Or you care, if you don’t know ‘em?
– So so.
Wow! Bravo. He understood it. Well, Nelson boy, I came here with a different purpose. Anyway the interest means to me.

Later Tara asked Muriel:
-Muriel why don’t you hang out Nick?
-… Don’t shame me.
Оо well she has shame! A yes, Muriel’s afraid of people, not of God.

I couldn’t hear Tara’s response, I only understood “guy”. (Perhaps “a nice guy”.)

Fact: Muriel keeps herself at a distance. She doesn’t want me. Other girls in her place would feel gratitude towards me. I know, it’s easier for her to consider me as crazy, than to try to understand me. Girl, I rarely do anything without a plan.

The it girl asked me what I was doing, and I later poked her with the pencil to ask her where would we have Math additional, but Sandry told us we wouldn’t have.

Andrea, Gulben and Mike entered. Even though I wasn’t looking at him, Mike called me and sat next to me. I told him that he has been absent for two days (I was counting?) while he asked me what was I studying. He stood up, and Andrea was looking for a place to sit. La mademoiselle didn’t want to sit alone and she wanted I to move on the neighbouring chair in order she to take my place. I refused saying that perhaps Mike was gonna return, Tim advised her to leave “the child” alone. Gulben sat in the desk in front of me telling me that she would hang me out and asked me why was I sitting alone. A conversation followed about the Electrotechnics and Math exercises.

Andrea, Dave and I discussed our Electrotechnics seminar work. Andrea is gonna finish it, I should make the presentation. I threw in that I think they aren’t Facebook friends. Andrea commented “He’s checked”. Yes, I did it ‘cos I kind of felt endangered that they might do sth without me. This way I was their link.

Andrea sat in front of me (anyway she didn’t avoid the Turk) and Muhammed placed himself next to me. On the practices it was needed place for 5 more students from my group, so the assistant ordered 5 students from the 1st group to leave. Mike, Andrea, Gulben, Muhammed and probably Tailor left, while Nelson I (ready to go) “cleverly” stayed. Btw Benjamin was absent and I didn’t miss him. Next to me sat Virginia. She rewrote the missed from me and we spoke some things regarding the exercises. She solved on the board. Now that I have clearer view about her soul, she could freely be my love interest. She’s very meek. (+ She hasn’t seen my shame.)

In the hall I asked Muriel if we were gonna have Math, who didn’t know (Audience: William). She was waiting for her seminar work.

I went at our usual Math additional place. Alone. Nobody came.

On the waiting area, a teenage boy asked me where I was waiting for and at what time the bus arrived. I could’ve asked him, but…

In the bus he sat next to me. Shy. Knowing me, a great deal of the things I truly enjoyed in happened in buses. I could easily develop acquaintance with him, but… I didn’t want. I wasn’t high-spirited. What’s Muriel’s relationship towards me? Why for some people loneliness means craziness?

The afternoon M. told me to return the battery in Stip, that didn’t match on mum’s phone. “You’ll relax” – he said to me. Like I am not now. They always want more and more. They can’t accept someone is better than them. God is my consolation. That’s why I tolerate them…

The evening I decided to put and end of Andie and I’s Facebook neutrality – we became friends. I also sent friend requests to Ergin and Tara.

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