I looked up in alarm. He did say 'fruits', didn't he, and not 'fruitcakes'? For some unknown reason when a person is called a 'fruitcake', some chaps think that he means that the person is a shy a few brain cells. And you do know what my friends generally think of me.
"Some are like apples. Just like you can readily enjoy an apple, all the way through, you feel immediately comfortable with them and can freely speak of anything with no problem of running into no-go zones or being made to feel unwanted. Except, perhaps, at the core." "Apples can be over-ripe, under-ripe, spoilt..." Philosophy may be beyond me but apples I do know to an extent. "Shit", he said irritably. "You do bring in the most inconsequential things. At that, you have a point maybe. People very seldom start out being the best that they can be. The point about the 'Apple' friends is that they CAN become a great apple and you can help them become so." I was about to start off on the inadvisability of biting straight off into the apple, without washing off pesticides and wax and what-not but I refrained. Somehow, it seemed to me that he was not likely to be receptive to such important nutritional information at this point in time. "Others are like...err...guavas, I suppose. You can readily bite into a guava, just like with an apple, but there will always be seeds. So, these guava friends are people with whom you can get along readily but the interaction will always have periodic friction." "The moody types, you mean", I was getting interested in this fruity discussion. "For once, you get it. Moody or with certain opinions which you cannot oppose without getting into a fight. Things like that. You CAN help them be better 'guavas' but they are certainly never going to become 'apples'. So, if you only like apples, stay away from them so that you do not muck up your happiness and theirs." "Fascinating.""The Orange types are difficult to get close to but, once you do get in, they allow you in all the way."
With varying degrees of sweet and sour and you could not always expect things to go your way, I thought but did not say. It would just be inviting sarcasm to say anything at all. "Then I suppose you have the mangoes." I'd have thought mangoes would have featured much earlier on the menu but... "They are sweet, can be readily eaten but then you will hit the seed and cannot go beyond. So also with these guys. Sweet on the surface but intensely private people." "Ah!" "Then the Jack-fruit lot..." "Don't tell me. Difficult to get close to, moody, and private as well but with periodic bouts of sweetness." "Hmmm. You really outdo yourself today." It must have been the compliment that made me do it. I got drunk on it, I suppose, since compliments come my way so rarely. "So, what sort of a fruit am I?" I could have bitten off my tongue almost as soon as I asked it. I ought to know that if you fish for compliments all that happens is that YOU get gaffed. Now this guy was going to say, 'You are a grape. To be squashed and allowed to stew in your own juices' or some such. "You? You are inedible."
