I’ve already outlined 5 of the drawbacks to being a graduate
school Mommy here.
I even found 5 positive aspects to the gig that I’m
currently working. You can find them
here.
In this third installment of the series I’m going to write
about our day to day life. The question
I get most often is, “How do you do it?”
This is where I’m going to tell you how I do it. We all have our own challenges and necessary
flexibilities, so this will not be an exact description of every week of our
lives. But this is how our family works
out all the stuff that we need to get done in a way that works for us.
Just before Mayzie was born, we made the hard decision to
pull Annika out of part-time childcare.
I had just completed all of my coursework for my PhD and was staring
down my qualifying exams. I was also 8
months pregnant with my second girl, and the first was only 2 years old. We knew it was going to be a struggle to
begin with, and we were right, but quitting graduate school wasn’t really an
appealing option after all the time I had already put into my PhD. I was just getting to the good stuff. We could barely afford childcare for one
child, so two was completely out of the question. We decided that I would stay home with the
girls during the day and work on my degree in the evenings.
It has never been easy, but I’ve never been one to take the
easy route in anything. Funny enough,
the decision didn’t feel that difficult to make at the time. It just all seemed so logical and matter of
fact. This was the only appealing option
to all of us at the time. It was partly
selfish, wanting to finish my degree. I
know that, but I knew that I wanted to set an example and a precedent for my
girls. I wanted them to be proud of me
and to show them that when you start something, you should finish it no matter
what the obstacles. This is how I’ve
done that.
My weeks were long and exhausting when I was writing my
qualifying exams. I spent long days with
the girls, long evenings at the library, and short nights in bed. It was not fun at all. I did eventually get a little bit of help
from a surprise gift and an amazing babysitter, and we all made it work for
us.
When we were in Germany, we flipped rolls. Andy was the parent at home and I did my work
running all over the city. We both only
had one job, and it was pretty amazing how much we actually got to see each
other.
We moved back to Andy’s hometown when he got a job
here. The cost of living is much easier
on the bank account here, and we are surrounded by family who can and do help
us all the time. I’m far away from my
school, library, and grad school friends, but being able to send Annika to
preschool was something we most likely would have had to skip had we gone back
to Cleveland in October. Super extra
bonus points go to my MIL who watches our girls for us as much as possible,
between her days filled with volunteer work and church service. (She’s pretty amazing like that.)
Here is our typical
schedule right now:
Monday: Annika goes
to school 8-11am. Mayzie and I hang out
in the morning, and pick up Ani at school at 11. We eat lunch.
Mayzie naps until around 2pm. We
run errands or do something fun in the afternoon. Andy comes home around 5:15. I head to the gym while he feeds the girls
and gets them ready for bed. I get home
in time to tuck in the girls, and then eat some dinner. Andy and I both do about an hour of working
stuff until my brain turns off around 9 pm, and then we hang out until we go to bed.
Typically this means that I knit while we watch something on Netflix,
but not always.
Tuesday: Annika
goes to school and stays at after-care until 5pm. Mayzie goes to her Nana’s house. I work from home from 9-5. I pick up Ani from after-care and then go
pick up Andy from work. We drive out to
Nana & Papaw’s house and eat dinner with them. We get home in time to put the girls to bed. Andy goes to his weekly soccer game. I do some work for an hour or so, and then
hang out until bed.
Wednesday: The
same as Monday.
Thursday: Annika
goes to school 8-11. Mayzie & I pick
her up, and we three girls hang out in the afternoon. When Andy comes home, I go to work at the
library. I come home around 9pm to eat
dinner, chat, and go to bed.
Friday: Annika
goes to school 8-11. Mayzie and I hang
out in the morning. 11:15ish, Nana comes
by with Annika and Ella (our cousin) in the car, and picks up Mayzie for a
girl-filled afternoon. I work in the
afternoon. I pick up the girls around
4:30-5. We come home to eat dinner. Andy and I both work until around 9pm. Sometimes one of us goes out with friends,
but more often than not, we stay home together.
Saturday: I get
up early with the girls. I wake up Andy
around 8:30am and I go to a Yoga class.
Andy spends the day with the girls, usually doing the grocery shopping
and playing. I come home from Yoga,
shower, and head out to work somewhere.
I come home for dinner around 6pm.
We put the girls to bed. We work
for a couple of hours, then we hang out.
Sunday: I sleep
until 7:30 and Andy asks me why I don’t sleep longer. (I can’t.) I go work somewhere for a couple hours then
go to the gym for a workout. I come
home, shower, and go back to work at the library from 1-5pm. Alternatively, some Sundays we get to spend
the whole afternoon together as a family.
I wish we could do it every week, but I really have to take advantage of
the work time when I can. We eat dinner
as a family. We put the girls to
bed. I hang out with Andy for our
regular Sunday date with the Walking Dead.
It all starts over again on Monday.
This is what works for us right now. This how we make it happen. It is much less than ideal. It is
surely NOT what we would choose if we
had all the resources in the world, but we don’t. This isn’t forever. This is what we have figured out to help us
reach that next milestone: my PhD. What comes next is a mystery right now. We’re actively working to try to decide what
it is that we want to pursue next. As I’ve
mentioned before, we’re trying to enjoy the betwixt and between for what it is
in the meantime. I'm not sure I've revealed anything so groundbreaking and helpful here, and I certainly don't feel that there are any real secrets to my success.