Title: The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure
Directed by: Matthew Diamond
Distributed by: Kenn Viselman Presents
Release Date: Oogest 29, 2012
Rated: G
Synopsis: The Oogieloves — Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie — set out to find five magical balloons that will make their good friend Schluufy’s surprise birthday party extra-special. (Via IMDB)
Brian: OK, so you’re probably wondering why in the world Shaunta and I saw, of all the movies released this weekend, the poorly marketed and critically reviled G-rated toddler-aimed indie movie The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure, which officially just enjoyed the worst opening weekend for a movie in wide-release in cinema history. No, Shaunta and I did not see this movie as a joke. No, Shaunta and I did not feel like spending our Labor Day morning trying to inflict pain on ourselves. No, I dragged Shaunta to this movie. Why? Because I’ve been waiting to see it for four years. Still confused? Read on…
In the summer of 2008 I started working for casting director Valerie McCaffrey (Babe, American History X, Hard Candy), as an intern, then later in the year as her associate. In December 2008 I was assigned my first major project to assist her on, and that project was The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure, a movie being produced for about 10 million dollars, that would be the first feature film of its kind: a movie aimed at 2 to 5 years old in which the kids would actually be expected to get up out of their seats and dance to the movie. The production had large chunks of money put aside to lure in six major actors, who would take supporting parts in the film. I stayed up late one night making an offer to Jim Carrey, for the role that eventually went to Cary Elwes, and Jane Krakowski of 30 Rock fame almost took the part that went to Jaime Pressly. But ultimately the six parts went to Cloris Leachman, Chazz Palminteri, Toni Braxton, Cary Elwes, Jaime Pressly, and Christopher Lloyd. And in early 2009 we hired the four younger actors who would inhabit the Oogieloves costumes. The film went into production in April 2009 and wrapped in May 2009. Valerie and I moved on to other projects, and I put that weird Oogieloves movie behind me.
Cut to three and a half years later. I eventually left the world of casting, left Los Angeles all together, and now am enjoying a happy life writing and teaching. I walked into the Riverside movie theater here in Reno a couple of months ago, and passed by a big, bright-colored 360 degree display that looked instantly familiar. My jaw dropped. This is what I saw:
The Oogieloves had returned… and they were coming to theaters!! I worked on over a dozen projects in my two years in indie film casting, and by 2012 I figured none of the movies I worked on would ever hit theaters on a national scale. Finally, one was coming, and I couldn’t have been more excited. My name was going to be in the end credits of a theatrical film! Woo hoo!
I felt weird going to see a kids movie all by myself, so I managed to get Shaunta and her daughter to come with me over the Labor Day weekend to check it out. Then on Thursday, the craziest headlines started to appear over the net: “Oogieloves on track to have worst opening weekend in history.” On its first day of release, the movie made a little over $100,000, on a whopping 2,160 screens! That came out to only $47 per theater. $47! The movie wasn’t exactly killing it at the box office, so rumors started to build that it could possibly beat Delgo, the disastrous 2008 animated film that made only $511,000 on the same amount of screens – 2,160. Could it happen? Could The Oogieloves beat the all-time record? Could a movie that I worked on, that I listened to my boss talk to agents and actors about, that I stayed up a handful of late nights making offers for, actually go into the record books as the worst opening movie in wide-release (over 2,000 theaters) of all time?
Oh yes it could. $448,000. For all three days. Which comes out to about $207 per theater. For three whole days. That’s about twenty people. Per theater. For the entire weekend. Wow!
But the movie’s awful box office returns wouldn’t deter me. Shaunta and I were going to see it, no matter what, and with the convenient Labor Day arriving at the end of the long weekend, Shaunta and I did the unthinkable… by subjecting ourselves to The Oogieloves. What did we think of the movie?? Let’s start with Shaunta’s reaction!
Shaunta:
We brought my daughter, Ruby, and her bestie Samantha, with us to see this movie. First, the theater parking lot (which is gigantic) was empty except for maybe four cars and ours. Funny! The movie was shown in the tiniest little shoved-in-a-corner room the theater has to offer. (It shared a screen with Expendables 2, which was another FUNNY!) The movie itself was bad to the point that I couldn’t help thinking: this might be a cult hit someday. Stoned college kids everywhere will be watching the Oogieloves. Maybe.
By far the best part of the movie was watching Brian get up and shake it every time the movie told him to. Ruby was into the dancing bits, too. Her friend is a couple of years older and not so much. Second best was the old guy who oogled the girls playing air hockey after the movie, then coerced Brian and I into doing the wave when Ruby won.
In all seriousness, this movie reminded me vaguely of Pee Wee’s Playhouse. If they’d played that part up, I think it would have been way, way better. It had that kind of creepy, slightly-off-kilter feel to it that I loved so much about Pee Wee back in the day. It had a talking window, and a birthday party for a limbless, barely-conscious hot-pink animated pillow. It had past-their-prime celebrities doing really weird shit. (The Dread Pirate Roberts as Bobby Wobbly, the ass-spanking bubble salesman? Mrs. Garrett in her mid-80s wearing a Whatever Happened to Baby Jane getup? I’m not kidding.) If they’d played up the absurdity, this movie would have been way, way better.
Just in case you think I’m joking, witness The Dread Pirate Roberts as Bobby Wobbly:
Brian: When I finally sat down in the empty movie theatre, I prepped myself for the worst. And the worst I definitely got. The Oogieloves is as mind-numbingly awful as I thought it be, but I helped pass the hour and a half by getting up out of my seat every few minutes and dancing to the characters on screen when the movie prompted the kids to get up. There weren’t any little kids in the audience, so I figured I had to make up for all that dead air around the theater.
Now was the experience of watching the movie a horrible experience? I would never want to watch it again, but I did have fun watching each new actor come on screen and try to do something, anything, with their limited screen time. The only two that come off the best are Chazz Palminteri, in the least manic role, and Cary Elwes, in the most manic role. Elwes is really the only actor in this bunch who really goes for it, and better or worse, at least he tries. And I don’t know why, but the strange Windy Window character made me laugh harder than in any comedy I’ve seen all year. I don’t know why. I have no explanation. But I’m sure.
Ultimately I made it to the end credits, so I could see something I’d never seen in a theatrically released movie before. My name! Check you spot it?
The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure will live in infamy, at least for a few years, as that weird kids movie that had the worst opening weekend in cinema history. You know what? If my name is going to be listed as Casting Associate on only one theatrically released movie in my lifetime, it might as well be one that breaks records!!
