Today's post is by Kimberlee who runs Homemade Mama. We met on Twitter, she bakes, she knits and I admire the fact that she started a business based on these skills all while moving in to a new home and raising a small child. Oh, and her cakes always look gorgeous. I've heard they taste pretty good, too.
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I have been knitting for 26 years, I also sew, do embroidery and attempt to make all manner of things, but knitting will always be the first true love of my crafting life! I cannot remember a time where I couldn’t knit so I can’t really share my experiences of being a learner, I was taught at such a young age that it literally is part of who I am now. However, knitting has given me confidence at times in my life when I really couldn’t find anything else to boost my spirits. It has given me the opportunity to meet some of my closest friends. Knitting really has been my saving grace more than once.
I experienced a real crisis of confidence 5 years ago just before my 25th birthday when I started to have serious epileptic seizures. They were severe and at it’s worst I was having up to 9 seizures a day, making it impossible to live my life the way I was accustomed to. During this time I lost a lot of what I thought defined me. I couldn’t really go out by myself so I couldn’t go running anymore, I couldn’t socialise or drink any alcohol and most importantly I couldn’t work. I would sit at home by myself a lot because many of my friends at the time just stopped calling or returning my calls. When this happens and you lose the ability to do much of what you once did, you start to question what is left without those things. I assumed at the time that if nobody really wanted to spend time with me because I had lost the ability to do things for or with them that must mean that I, as a stand alone person, must not have much to offer.
My confidence hit rock bottom. I really did not like myself. I thought that the only defining thing about me was my illness and I didn’t blame the majority of my friends for ditching me, I wanted to ditch me too. I spent most of my time either at home or in hospital with very little outside company, and during this time i started to knit again.
I would spend hours creating beautiful, colourful things that made me feel better. It was rhythmic like my other love, running, and enabled me to get lost in the patterns, counting stitches and matching pretty colours. It was my escape from a dark place. I slowly began to want more knowledge to enable me to make and design more complicated patterns. However, my Grandmother, who I had always gone to for knitting advice had just recently passed away, and I didn’t know any other knitters. So after some encouragement from my boyfriend I got up the courage to attend a few knitting groups around Bristol and I can honestly say that it was the best thing I have ever done! I met some lovely, funny, understanding people who brightened my world and became my close friends! I would go out armed with my yarn and knitting needles and sit among friends talking and crafting over cake and drinks. I laughed, chatted and confided in my new friends and over the course of a few months my confidence rose and I began to realize that my illness did not define me, and that I still had a lot to offer. Knitters and crafters in general really are a lovely bunch of people, all from diverse backgrounds, but with something in common...making things beautiful!
I had another confidence wobble after becoming a mother. I think this is something that most new parents go through after a few months of caring for a newborn baby because although being a parent is an amazing experience you can lose a lot of the things that used to define you pre-baby and a lot of common ground that you had with childless friends. I know that I, for one, came out of my newborn haze only to realize that I didn’t have time for me, my life revolved around caring for Henry, doing housework and trying to find the time to pluck my eyebrows and have a bath. Outside of this I didn’t have much to talk about...or at least I didn’t feel like I did. I noticed my confidence dropping, I began questioning whether people would want to see me or talk to me, worrying about how I looked and how I come across to others. I was beating myself up over what I think other people think of me.
It’s exhausting and makes the world a lonely place at times. However I knew exactly how to handle the situation because of my previous experiences...I dug out my knitting needles and started to knit! I attended knitting clubs again, and connected with other crafters through blogging and twitter. Before I knew it I was having fun and talking about something that I loved again that wasn’t my son!
I am so grateful to my Gran for spending all of those hours teaching a 4 year old me to knit and I realize how lucky I am that I had somebody who was able and willing to teach me. I too have taught many of my friends to knit over years and have just started to teach knitting classes in my spare time so hopefully I’ll have the whole of Bristol knitting soon! It really means a lot to me that I am able to pass on this skill because without the ability to knit I think my life would have been a lot emptier.
If you fancy learning to knit, pop along to the Love Food Festival on July 15th between 1 and 5 where Kim will be teaching beginners. For more information about the range of knitting lessons Kim offers have a look at her website.