For Children
Typical Day:Don’t take candy from strangers. Halloween:Go take candy from strangers.
Typical Day:Just be yourself.You’re great just the way you are! Halloween:Don’t be yourself, that’s no good.Be someone different, someone way better and more interesting than you’ll ever be.
Typical Day:You’re too young to wear make-up. Halloween:Hey, you’re young, put on make-up.
Typical Day:Don’t eat too much sugar. Halloween:EAT SUGAR!!
Typical Day:Come inside once it gets dark, I don’t want you wandering the streets. Halloween:Go outside once it gets dark, and wander the streets.
Typical Day:Here, eat an apple, it’s good for you. Halloween:Don’t eat that apple, it might not be good for you.
Typical Day:Don’t take that pillowcase outside. Halloween:Here, take this pillowcase outside.
Typical Day:Candy is not good for you. Halloween:Is that all you got?Go out and get more candy!
Typical Day:Can you please pick up some eggs on your way home from school? Halloween:Hey Bucko, where do you think you’re going with those eggs?
For Adults
Typical Day:Don’t dress too provocatively, you need to look respectful. Halloween:Pfft… that’s not nearly slutty enough!You need to show more skin!
Typical Day:I hope the weather is nice today. Halloween:I hope it’s cold and rainy so no kids come to my door.
Typical Day:Hmmm… chocolate is on sale… oh I better not… Halloween:Hmmm… maybe I better buy another couple boxes of these little chocolate bars, just in case an unexpected busload of children show up at my door.It could happen you know.It could.
Typical Day:This pumpkin will be a nice fall decoration on my porch. Halloween:If I catch that little prick that smashed my pumpkin on my driveway, I’m going to wring his freakin’ neck!!
Typical Day:It will be a cold day in Hell when you’ll see me wearing those green tights. Halloween:Honey, do you remember where I put my green tights?
Typical Day:Let’s turn on some lights, it’s too dark in here. Halloween:Turn off the lights!If the neighbourhood kids don’t think we’re home, maybe they won’t ring the doorbell.
Typical Day:Rocky Horror Picture Show is a weird movie. Halloween:“Let’s do the time warp again!!!!!!”
Typical Day:It’s not okay to scare small children. Halloween:I’m gonna scare the shit outta those little fuckers!!It’s gonna be awesome!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!