"...it’s like if you ask a girl in her 20’s, ‘Are you a happy person?’ I think she can say, ‘I have happy moments,’ but I don’t think it’s possible – maybe I’m – maybe people will radically disagree with me, but I don’t really think it’s possible to be sort of an at-peace human when you are between 22 and 30."
I can assure you, Lena, that Sass does not radically disagree with you but rather she completely understands and is so thrilled to hear someone else say it! In my reflection of this quote over the last week or so, it was really interesting for me, especially as a writer, to share Lena's quote with my boyfriend and then try to clearly articulate why it is that I agree. Especially since we are entering into a stage of our relationship where he might think I mean that our life together isn't an overall happy place to be. I also believe it to be ironic that I'm in this stage of life - radically changing, ever persistent quest for direction and stability - and to be dating a real man who is obviously male (which makes our contemplation of life different from the start) but who is in an established state and quite comfortable with who he is. That's not to say that he doesn't have ambitions and some level of uncertainty as to where his life is going but he's got twelve years on me in terms of getting through those "figuring it out" phases. I tell him all the time that I'm more crazy than he even knows.
However, this dynamic forces me to really think about things and why I feel them because in order to explain them to him, I'm truly attempting to express emotions that I'm not sure he's ever felt (and if he has, it was years ago). I can't start a thought and trail off by saying, "ya know what I mean, right?" because he usually doesn't. Thankfully he's smart and worldly enough to at least respect and acknowledge my feelings even if he's never experienced them himself.
Anyway, why do we only have happy moments? Well I can speak for myself: to start, I've realized that my entire life until this point was completely structured and dictated by society. Go to elementary school, go to middle school, go to practice, be an athlete, learn an instrument, go to high school, pick a major, graduate college...........then what? After years of the world dictating the path I'm on, suddenly I'm supposed to come up with what to do next? Torturous. It's a constant quest for fulfillment and satisfaction that we used to get from our teachers and coaches on a daily basis.
Graduating from college:
Now:
It is also a time of great change within our friendships. People move away, we grow apart, and we are forced to acknowledge that the friends we used to include in our future wedding parties might not be there. For me, it's more about coming to terms with the fact that the friends I want in my future wedding party are people that I rarely get a chance to see and talk to. In a way, I've had to start over and make new friends. This can be absolutely daunting and quite difficult as adults since we aren't forced to be a room together for six hours a day getting to know each other.
In love, we're either so badly on the hunt for it or we're in it and wondering all the time if "this is it!"
The general message here is that our world is rocked when we step into "the real world" (or at least mine was). I often feel like I stepped backwards - I used to be so motivated and such an over-achiever in school, what happened? Now I can't even get motivated to get my mail half the time. It's almost more frustrating knowing that my lack of motivation derives from a lack of direction. I have drive but I'm not sure where to place it.
I think it's pretty fair to say that 20 something girls are completely out of their minds (or at least I am). I over-analyze, I change my mind constantly, and I guess whether I'm actually out of my mind or I'm not...I feel it. I feel very lost most of the time, which is why I try to re-create the happy moments over and over.
Why do we party in our twenties? Because our bodies are more tolerable to the abuse and we like popular music? Yes but also because it is a happy moment. We can completely forget about all of the BS I just typed up, if even just for a few hours. Why do we sometimes crave too much attention in our relationships? Because we are a little immature and naive? Yes but also because it is a happy moment when someone is adoring you and outwardly expressing his love for you, we want it all the time. Why do we exercise and stay in good shape? Because it's easier to maintain a body at this age? Sure but also because running on a treadmill blasting Rihanna is a happy moment, again free from all of the crap I typed up there. So much about this stage is about escaping the uncertainty.
Sassarella Says...if you are one of my fellow 22-30 year old female peers, YA-YA! If you're not and if you think this is a load of crap....I'm telling you, it's not crap. It's very real. Handle us with care or we might just bite your head off :)
