Today is the second week in the marriage link up series "From One Year To Beyond". We would love to have you link up your posts on the weekly topic (:Today's Topic: Hard Moments From Our First Year Of Marriage
I am the first one to admit that Ryan and I had a fairly easy first year of marriage. I have seen some comments about "how can all these newlyweds think they have a right to give marriage advice after one year?!" I am not here to give anyone advice, just share moments from our first year of marriage and be honest about the things Ryan and I experienced.Some people say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Ryan and I did not live with each other before we were married, so we had all of that adjusting to do as well. I think that is an area where some couples may run into some conflicts. You are essentially taking two very different people and putting them in a house or apartment together - then asking them to take their entire routine and life and meld it together with another one.
Thankfully, Ryan and I are really laid back and we do a lot of things the same way, so it wasn't hard for us to adjust to living together.
We have had a few really hard things we have dealt with though, and those are the things I am here to share with you today.
Facebook Fiasco
The event we first experienced after we got married is what I alike to call the Facebook Fiasco. It was an incredibly difficult thing that I went through and I lost one of my dearest friends because of it. It's a detailed story that I have shared on the blog before, so if you want to go read what happened you can check out "So You Want To Know The Truth About My Marriage". That whole thing happened about a month or two into us being married. It is still something that saddens my heart to this day. But my marriage comes first and so I think Ryan and I did what we had to in the situation.
Facebook FiascoLosing A Pregnancy
The second big thing we dealt with was losing our first pregnancy. This blog was such a blessing to me during that time. It helped Ryan and I see that miscarriage is a lot more common than you think and it comforted us to know we were not alone. We chose not to share our heartbreak and loss until we finally found out we were expecting Rilynn. You can read all about the difficult issues and things we dealt with by reading "The Pain That Came Before Our Joy".The Army
The last, and constant hard thing we have had to deal with this year, is being in the military. I had absolutely no realistic idea what I was getting into when I married Ryan. All most Americans know is what they see on shows like Army Wives. While there are some things that that show hits on in a correct light, the majority of what you see is inaccurate. Experiencing the Army has been one of the hardest things I have personally dealt with in my entire life.
The Army is number one. In Ryan's heart, God and I are obviously his number one, but when you are in the military, it really does control your life. It doesn't matter how much I have cried or said something wasn't fair, you have no say. While the Army serves an incredible purpose by giving us all freedom and protecting our lives, the Army is not a fabulous lifestyle. I am so grateful for the job it has given Ryan, but I see the organization as a detriment to a lot of families. Men and women are constantly ripped away from their families, sometimes with little notice. It is such an incredible stressor on the spouse and kids who are left at home. I just talked to another milspouse who has been separated HER ENTIRE marriage from her husband. And even when they aren't deployed or
in the field, it isn't much better. Ryan won't come home until 8, 9, 10pm at night...and then they make him wake up and come back to work at 4 something the next morning. Ryan gets really worn down. I think a lot of ladies (including myself before I got married) see shows or movies about the military, think it is really romantic and create almost a glorified idea of what this lifestyle is like.It is hard. It is painful. It really is a huge sacrifice. Even though I am an Army wife, I never forget the respect I have for other military wives and what we go through every day. Especially those wives who have been doing this for 30 years.
Ryan has already deployed to Afghanistan and has served our country for 8 years. We made the decision that when we started a family, he would get out and we would go back to civilian life. This job has taken a toll on Ryan over this past year. I have watched him become so stressed out and so worn down. We are looking forward to a more structured life with planned vacations and dinners at night together as a family. Hopefully, we will be out of the Army sometime between November and next March. And while I am so happy and excited about the next chapters in our life, the Army will always be a part of our story and I am glad that we experienced all of it together.
So come join all of us and link up your posts below! Share your hardest moments from your first year of marriage.
