2011 – 2012 were difficult years for my family. Here is a brief timeline - My husband had moved to a neighboring state for a new job we felt led to take, I was pregnant with our 4th child, we finally moved back together as a family after 8 months apart and then in the next 6 months both found ourselves unemployed and facing the real possibility of bankruptcy and foreclosure!
I went from feeling clearly that we were doing what God had called us to do, to completely doubting His voice and His plan.It was a very dark time for me. Have you been there?
Have you ever found yourself in a place that you couldn’t have imagined you’d be and wonder why God had forgotten you?
I know that isn’t the “pretty” scenario I’d like to be able to portray to you, but apparently I am a little stubborn {ahem} and often times I have to learn my faith lessons backwards. So in an effort to keep it real I wanted to share about this time because in the end, I think you will be able to see the hope that sprang forth.
It was one thing for my husband to lose his job, that was scary yes but when my 13 year position was “outsourced” only 6 weeks later, well any thread of hope I had left was completely shredded.
I went from telling people that I trusted God’s plan to being very angry with God. I questioned Him, and wondered why He led us to this new place only to set us up for failure. I couldn’t see how any of this would lead to anything good.
I felt hopeless and foolish for trusting God. I was certain that we had prayed wrong, or not heard His calling correctly and this unemployment was our “punishment”.
And if I can be completely honest here friends, I wanted out.I was tired of the struggle, tired of fighting, of always hoping and yet never quite feeling like we had “made it”.
In my darkest hour I, this self-professed Christian, wanted to give up. And not just the “oh I am over this” kind of thing. No, the kind of giving up where I started thinking that things would be better if I weren’t alive, kind of giving up.
It was ugly and scary and I slipped into what I can only describe as a fast and powerful depression.Thankfully my husband was my rock during this time.
He would say over and over – “It WILL be ok”. “I don’t know how, but I know that God is with us in all of this.”
He prayed over us and showed me that he was trusting God even when everything was uncertain. He was doing all the things I had talked about in the past, but in the moment on he was able to actually walk the walk.
But even in spite of me and my lack of faith God did some big things in our family!It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but God took all my “It will never….” beliefs and turned them into complete amazement and gratefulness for all that He could do. It has been a journey, but one that has brought us closer as a family and has deepened our gratitude for all things in our lives.
And you know what? I think this is what I needed most.
I am the type of person that when everything is easy-peasy, I think I have it all under control, and I take the reins back from God. I get prideful and arrogant and selfish!
I needed to experience complete hopelessness and then rebuilding faith so that I could see that all He did for us and through us in 2013 was not my doing!I am not sure where you find yourself today.
Maybe you are holding onto your last shred of hope that things will get better. Maybe you have just experienced a loss greater than you think you can handle.
First, please if you would; leave me a comment so that I can be praying for you. I believe that prayer works, in God’s timing of course, and as a body we are called to carry one another burdens. It would be an honor to lift you up!
Second, know that (and I am speaking from experience) sometimes there are things God is preparing you for that are unknown to you at this moment. I had to go through hardship to see that and the beauty that ultimately came from it. But He is there every step of the way – please don’t forget that!!
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”Kristin Smith is a wife and mother, but most importantly, a daughter of the King – redeemed by His grace and so very grateful for it. Kristin blogs at The Riches of His Love and is the Prayer Team Leader and a Contributing Writer at God-sized Dreams. She can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.