Never once did I believe the man I would fall in love was that kind of man but he tried to rape me. I was 13 when I met this guy, he was 16, he was so kind, we were together for 2 months. I was head over heels in love with him and when he asked me if I was ready to sleep with him, I told him no. He was understanding, well over text he was. We had lots of fun together, we spent nearly everyday together, but after I had told him I was not ready to sleep with him things changed.
Credit
I would only see him 3/4 times a week, one day he asked me if I wanted to go grab some lunch in a nearby pub, I said I would and we did. After the meal we went back to his to watch a film. It was about 3 o’ clock in the afternoon, his parent were at work so it was just us.
I felt a little uncomfortable and I told him I was going to have to go, trying to make an excuse, he sat me down, hugged me and told me he understood I was scared and that he would wait until I was ready and that he just wanted to cuddle up and watch a film. I trusted him and so agreed.
We went upstairs to his bedroom and put the film on, about 30 minuets into the film he started touching me, I moved his hand, he kept putting it back. I never once thought I wanted him to touch me in this way as he tried to rape me.
I stood up, left the bedroom and started to walk down stairs. I was going home, he was frightening me.
He followed me, the front door was locked, he grabbed me from behind, threw me to the floor and got on top of me, pulling at and trying the tug my trousers down.
I was terrified, I was fighting, struggling and screaming as he continued to grab at my private area, touching me and rubbing me with his sweaty hands, I felt sick. I had never been so scared in my life. He tried to rape me
Someone knocked on the door, he ignored it, yet the letterbox opened.
He quickly got off me, stood up and as I desperately tugged at my clothing, he answered the door to find a child who was asking for his football back, he had accidentally kicked it over into the garden.
I saw my chance to escape and I did, I ran all the way home, never stopping once and looking behind me, fearing he was following me.
I text him later that day, told him to delete my number and never speak to me again and if he did I would go straight to the police.
I became depressed, I hated men, I was scared to be around them.
I started to become withdrawn, my friends were worried, especially a certain male friend I had been texting and had known for years.
I began self harming, it helped me to cope. I wore those wrist bands to cover the marks and I stopped eating. I lost 2 stone. This pattern of self destruction carried on for just under 2 years, until my male friend told me he was coming over and if I didn’t see him he was going to talk to my parents as he was worried about me.
I had to ask my best friend to stay with me, as I just couldn’t face being alone t be with him, he was a man and maybe he would try to rape me too . I saw every man as a threat.
I broke down and told them everything. My best friend cried and wanted to go and have it out with my ex. The male friends just held me, I felt safe in his arms.
Five years later and that male friend still holds me in his arms, as he is now the love of my life.
I did bump into the man, I felt sick looking at it he tried to rape years me not so long ago,he grabbed me. I screamed. But found the courage to tell him where to go.
I am asked why did I not phone the police when it happened, the truth is I blamed myself should never have gone back to his house, I should never have gone up to his bedroom, maybe I gave him the wrong signals. I was 13 years old, a young child trying to behave like a grown up.
I am now in a loving relationship and a mother to a little girl, we are expecting our second baby in November.
I wanted to share my experience with the blog readers in the hope of showing others, that there is life after rape and sexual abuse, and you should never blame yourself.
