[image created using PicMonkey]
I feel like I should write something totally cute and clever, but I am just not in the mood today. You may remember this post where I introduced my brand new preemie niece into the blog world. She was born at 23 weeks, and we were all really hopeful. We were hopeful that she would grow and develop, and we were hopeful that she would overcome whatever health obstacles were brought her way. Preemies deal with a lot of physical ailments and some even last into their toddler years and beyond. We have all loved, prayed, and thought of her more often than not. First, we were concerned about her overall development and well-being. Then we became overwhelmingly concerned with the grade 2 brain bleed, then grade 4, then back to grade 2. It seemed to be a roller coaster and a lot of emotions and thoughts were running through my head.I prayed. I hoped, and I wondered why a baby so small would have to overcome obstacles that seemed so great. It just didn't seem fair. It still doesn't seem fair. I still have a lot of questions about faith. I feel as though my faith is in the Lord and I know that he loves us and that baby so deeply- so profoundly. I know that His heart breaks when ours do. Do I blame God for the bad in the world? No. Have I questioned his ways? Of course. I always wonder why God doesn't allow us to have what we want, especially when an innocent baby girl is involved. But my mind goes back to the times in the Old Testament. The trials that the Israelites faced. My mind goes to the apostles and disciples that endured ridicule, and some even death because of their choice to follow Jesus, the Messiah. I think about all of those before me that have suffered and those who suffer today. Do I pray healing for all? Absolutely! But I also know that our human bodies are fragile and don't always work like we want them to. I know that despite how bad circumstances look, my God is mighty and He loves. I don't question His love.
The baby is now in kidney failure and she is very swollen from the fluid retention. Where she was once on 24% oxygen, she is now on 95% oxygen (at 100% most of the day yesterday). Things look bleak to our naked eye, but I know that God loves, comforts, and gives peace when we least understand how we can be peaceful. I have peace knowing that God is in control. He is the Healer and Protector. We aren't sure yet of future plans, and we will hear from the family if any decisions are to be made. I just ask that if you pray, please pray for this sweet baby and our family. I so greatly appreciate it!
