As a child/teenager I had never envisioned that this would be my life, but it is. I had never even thought about becoming a mother. I suppose I was so wrapped up in Adam and myself and the love we shared and had grown since we were 14 years old. I didn’t want our love to change, I didn’t want us to ever grow apart. I didn’t want anything to change because I truly thought that was the happiest I could and would be.
But I was wrong. So - very - wrong.
I married Adam back in 2012, we’d been together ten years that year. Two weeks before we said our ‘I do’s’, we found out that we were expecting our first child. We were thrilled, it felt like such a magical time in our lives and if I’m being totally honest - that amazingly magical feeling still hasn’t passed and I so hope it never does. Prior to that year, we hadn’t really given being a family a thought, perhaps we were too young before that moment. Perhaps, we were just enjoying each other and the life we led as a couple. I suppose that you could say that we were finding our feet as just the two of us. I remember so clearly protesting when people asked me, that I didn’t want to have any children. And now I look back on those words now and think ‘Oh Alex, you silly girl.’ I really had no idea what being a Mum would be like, how it would change me and allow me to grow.
Life doesn’t stop when you have children, it begins. Or it did for me. Before Ethan, I felt like something was missing, like I was looking for something, like a piece of my own lifes puzzle had got lost under the sofa or something. When I became a Mum, that piece showed up and now I feel whole. Now I feel like I know what direction my life is supposed to go in and it’s going there.
Being a Mum makes me feel content. It makes everything feel better, like all the day to day trivial things don’t really matter anymore. All that matters is us, us as a family. All that really matters is that my little boy is healthy and happy - that he has a smile on his face. Because when I see that smile - I get it.
I get what life is about, I get what true happiness is. True happiness is in being a family, true happiness comes from the little things you do for each other everyday and the unique ways you all go about doing them. True happiness comes from just being part of a special family unit.
And so when I think about how my life has changed since becoming a Mum, I simply smile and whilst full of happiness I sit and reflect on the person I am now, the person Adam is now and the strength it’s added to our relationship and to us as individuals. I look at Ethan and how beautiful he is, how proud I am of him and how happy he seems. I place my hands on my stomach protectively cuddling my 22 week old baby bump and I smile because I know the best is yet to come..
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