When death arrives to take the life of someone you love, be it suddenly or knowingly, you will never be fully prepared. It is always a gripping experience. Death is definite, silent and unarguable. Unlike other form of losts, death does not do negotiations. No room to question why it chooses your love one; No way to bargain for a little more time; No regards on whether you get to say your goodbyes. Often death leave you quiet despite the overwhelming feeling to retaliate.
When death take the life of your love one, it also robs a portion of you, so much that you are no longer the same person as you were before. If you’re grieving for someone you have recently lost, please know :
1. You will survive and live through this.
When you come home with the presence of the one you loved replaced with a deafening silence and every object in the house is a reminder of him or her, know that you can live through this. When you feel as though you’re stuck on an infinite loop, thinking: you could have done more to save that person or you cannot go on living without your other half, know that there are things that is beyond your control and this is one of them. Acknowledge your feelings, know that you are grieving, but also know that things happen for a reason.
2. Take your time.
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With time will you learn acceptance. You will, at one point, get up and start your day on your own again. You will get stronger and resilient to adversity. Maybe you will take months or years to come to terms, but that is ok. Grief is a process you cannot rush. You do not spend years of your life with someone and expect to get over them within your one week of compassionate leave. You will have to carry out your responsibility but give yourself time. You are not obligated to meet your friends if you can’t bring yourself to. Tell them you love them but you need space. They’ll understand. Take your time and take care of yourself.
3. Take care of yourself
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Do what you need to do to make yourself feel better. That being said, choose a healthy approach to deal with lost. If it helps, turn to a higher power. If not, take a walk to empty your mind, get some fresh air, and find peace. Go traveling on your own and engage in activities that uplift your soul. Talk to strangers, meet people who have a different point of view and have your perspective towards life challenge. Let them show you their take on life. Keep an open mind as this will help you take a step back to reassess on how you perceive life, hence allowing you to make necessary changes to deal with lost.
4. To come out bitter or better.
Death teaches acceptance to an abrupt closure (or acceptance to no closure at all). Despite it being unfair, please choose to come out better. When you hit the rock bottom, there’s nowhere else to go but up. Choose to claw out of this wretched state. Know that your loved one would want you to succeed, use every ounce of that overwhelming feeling of grief and turn it into a drive to propel you forward in life. Dedicate your success to your love one. Soon enough, without you knowing, you have made it out. The love you have for the one you have lost will not change, what changes is your threshold to deal with adversity.
