Ever experienced a broken friendship? If you said no, you are truly blessed. But if you said yes, you've got solid company. How do you heal your heart from a broken friendship?
Nothing like a broken relationship to send us down the deep spiral of misery. It feels as if we're stuck in a limbo, unable to function normally. Usually, if it is a romantic relationship, the sympathy pours in from family and friends. However, when it is a broken friendship, chances are nobody even notices when the friendship ends.
Friendships are essential to our well being and yet, there are times when we do not give them the attention they deserve.
It gets even more difficult when you start drifting away from an old friend or heaven forbid, have a huge fight with your BFF. If the broken friendship makes you angry or upset, you don't have to wallow in your sorrow.
Here are 13 tips to heal your heart from a broken friendship
And help you deal with your feelings and move on.
There are two things here: first, you need to understand the situation and then, take action.
First, let's begin by understanding the situation properly to heal your heart.
1. Embrace the change
Friendships do tend to bloom and fade as you transition from one stage of life to another. That person you knew and loved in school may have evolved ten years later due to life circumstances and experiences. For example, milestones like graduating college, becoming a parent, and so on. So, celebrate this progress even if it means you must move in new circles.
2. What's your pattern?
You must honestly spot your own patterns and acknowledge your role in the broken friendship. It might help you handle things, see things in a different way and help you heal your heart.
3. Acknowledge conflict
While relationships must end sometimes and that seems like the right thing to do, we can end up losing a valuable friendship simply because we are too scared to address sensitive issues. Being brave enough to acknowledge conflict and learning to resolve them can help you revive your friendship or at least prepare you better for the next challenge.
4. Treasure your memories
This is entirely up to you because I know some people who prefer to wipe the slate clean-as in get rid of everything that reminds them of the other person in the broken friendship. But I think it is okay to cherish the memories. You cannot deny the good times even if you stop being friends. It is okay to remember the happy times. In fact, hold on to the good things and let the bad feelings go. Sometimes you just have to drift apart and move on, simply because you are in different life situations.
5. Be objective
Yes, the hardest part is being objective especially when all you want to do is point fingers and play the blame game. But let's pause for a sec. Are you taking things too personally? When you see the friendship as an outsider, you might realize that you may have done nothing that you need to regret. Think about it. It will help you heal your heart.
6. Consider counseling
Suppose you're still feeling miserable after time passes, don't hesitate to seek professional help. It helps to analyze what is bothering you and get to the bottom of it-and change your behavior, your reaction to the whole situation.
Okay, so now that you've got a grip on the situation for what it is, let's look at what action steps you need to take to move on and heal your heart from the broken friendship.
7. Get support
Let your family and friends know that you're going through a tough time. Feel free to tell him how they can help you. Maybe you need a shoulder to cry on. Maybe someone to listen to you. Tell them how they can help you, whether you need someone to listen to you or just remind you that they care. And it is nice to be cuddled a bit during this time, no?
8. Pursue your interests.
Now is a good time to get busy if only to avoid sitting and sulking or being miserable. Do something that you've always been meaning to do but thought you didn't have the time. Give your living room a makeover. Declutter your closet. Volunteer at an eldercare home. Sign up for a course. Start a fitness routine.
9. Make new friends
Sometimes, giving all you've got to one relationship can be quite overwhelming and when that breaks up, make you feel vulnerable. Now is the time to expand your personal and professional network and make new connections, new friends.
10. Practice self-care
I cannot emphasize enough on this. There's no point in trying to find relief through junk food and being lethargic. Now, more than ever, is the time to stick to a healthy diet, get regular exercise and practice self-care.
11. Clear away reminders
I know I said cherish the memories in #4, but initially, maybe it will help to remove photos and objects that remind you of the broken friendship. Just until you heal your heart. Just box them up and put them away. Bring them back when you feel much better and have come to terms with the situation.
12. Write a letter
This tip is from my Mom and it really works. Getting your thoughts down on paper is a safe and rather effective way to look at what happened and to let go of the past. What have you learned from the experience? Think about that. Don't waste your energy on making accusations. And oh, don't mail that letter, d'uh. Keep it with you.
I find it really useful to journal feelings privately. My Mom often said that when we write things down, many things shrink in size on paper. Whereas if you hold it in your head, it tends to blow itself out of proportion particularly when our imaginations run wild. Think about it. When I write, I don't use a filter. I just puke it down on paper. The relief is amazing.
13. Be gracious
This one is very important. Some people feel tempted to be unkind and be mean and rant about the now estranged friend to mutual acquaintances or post snide comments on social media. But believe me, you will heal your heart faster if you resist this urge and rise above the pettiness. I personally suggest that you wish your friend well and focus on your own recovery and happiness.
Look, it is only natural and even normal to gain and lose friends over life's course. Try and learn from each relationship and maybe become wiser and kinder? When you have to say goodbye to a friendship, use it as an opportunity to honor the role they played in your life. Maybe learn how to strengthen your existing relationships and cherish them.
At the end of the day, I have to admit that we never really understand why some friendships break and this is usually due to a lack of communication from one or both sides.
It is hard to move from a broken heart
But it is harder to move from a broken friendship.
Friends are the family we choose. So, keep your best friends close. Be kind to one another. And if by any chance you have had a tiff with your BFF, here's a great post on how to mend a broken friendship even if you are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever broken up with a friend?