If you are in a loving and committed relationship with similar life goals, there are plenty of reasons for moving in with your partner, and wanting to spend more time together usually tops the list. But there are other advantages too. It makes economic sense to share the rent and groceries and saving the time you spend commuting to meet.
Yet, no matter how much you love each other, moving in with your partner is a major step that can be both exciting and stressful. And when sharing a home together, even the most loving couples must figure out how to adjust, make compromises, accept each other's quirks-all while continuing to respect each other. Of course, communication is key and the good news is, even if there will be disagreements and arguments, you must make sure you talk about them.
Are you ready?
Before you take the leap or start looking for a home together, pause for a moment to think about why you want to move in with your partner. Is it simply a matter of convenience or is it because you are in a long-term relationship? Here are a few questions to think about:
- Do you spend a lot of time together and stay over at each other's place several days of the week?
- Do you meet almost every day?
- Do you have a toothbrush and perhaps a drawer of your things at your partner's place?
- Are you in a committed relationship?
- Have you adopted a pet together?
If you said yes to these, here are some tips to ensure that moving in with your partner is as easy as possible.
14 tips to make moving in with your partner joyful
1. Talk about what you expect from each other
If you're spending a lot of time at each other's places, by now you have a pretty good idea of your partner's lifestyle and habits. Still, there is a difference between being a guest and living with someone full-time. So sit down and talk about your expectations from each other, your schedules, hygiene, cleaning habits, etc. so that you can avoid fighting over them.
2. Agree to amicably disagree
It is no surprise that even happy couples fight and living together is not always a cakewalk. But as long as you communicate comfortably, almost every issue can be overcome. Talk to each other about how you will resolve conflicts when they arise. It is better to have these conversations now. Discuss your non-negotiables and dealbreakers. Remember that it is not always necessary to be right.
It is important to realize that we do not need to be right. Often, relationship battles are founded on power struggles. So it might be a good idea to think about what you are fighting for and whether a compromise or acceptance may be a better solution.
Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?
3. Discuss each other's annoying habits
Regardless of how much you love each other, there are probably things both of you find annoying about each other. Instead of resenting it, talk about it. Tell each other what bothers you. This way it is easier to respect each other's behavior. There may be things you find annoying that your partner is not even aware of doing. And you may have ignored them. But things tend to amplify when you share living space. Talk about how you'll handle these things.
Next, here are some pre-move tips once you've decided you're moving in with your partner.
4. Review your stuff and make a pre-move checklist
Take stock of everything in your own space so that you can figure out what you want to keep, what you want to sell, donate or toss. Don't be tempted to postpone this step as it can prove to be an expensive mistake, in terms of cost of moving, effort and time. Moreover, whatever you keep will have to fit into your new space. If you go through your stuff now, you can decide on the size of your new space. It is cheaper to do this now even if letting go of your favorite things is tough.
5. Decide where you will move to
Will you be moving in with your partner at their place? Will you stay in yours? Or will you find a new place together? If both of you live in small spaces, it makes sense to find a new place, taking into consideration your commute to work, pets, and the other usual things such as amenities in the area. Discuss what matters to both of you.
Many couples prefer to simply look for a new place to start this new phase in their relationship. The advantage is building a new space together.
6. Have the money talk, sharing expenses
Moving in with your partner also means sharing expenses. Set out some time to talk about how you will manage your rent, utilities, entertainment, etc. Make a budget.
It might be a good idea to keep bank accounts separate at least in the beginning or until you decide to get married. Handle your own expenses like phone bills, car insurance and have a joint account for household expenses.
7. Talk about sharing chores
How do you plan to divide chores? This means cleaning, housekeeping, dishwashing, laundry, etc. Whether or not you actually make a chore chart, talk about what you expect from each other and set up a system. Maybe you prefer to pile up your laundry and do it once a week. Maybe your partner has another way of doing things. So, discuss this-household duties, when not equal, can lead to major stress.
If either of you has pets, now is the time to talk about pet care and pet expenses, especially if it involves bringing a new pet into your home.
8. Establish what you need in terms of your own space
If you have decided that moving into your partner's home is the best idea, what are your expectations regarding your personal space? Have a conversation about your need for alone-time especially when you are both home together.
9. Decide if you will have house rules
This can be something as simple as letting each other know if you'll be late home, inviting guests over, having houseguests, your ongoing commitments, and so on. Can you smoke at home? What about drinking rules? Establishing these expectations can make your time together happier and avoid nit-picky fights.
Now that you've decided on moving in with your partner, remember the following as moving day approaches:
10. Ask for help
There will be someone from your inner circle -family and friends-who will be happy to help you out especially if they have been through the process. They might even chip in with a little physical help, too, if they have the time.
11. Hire a moving company
The action of taking everything and moving it to a new place can be quite daunting and tiresome. Bringing in movers would make a lot of sense if you already have a lot on your plate. Hiring movers is money well spent. They are fast and efficient and can get it all done in a few hours. They'll take a lot of the stress and burden away from you and allow you to focus on other areas.
12. Plan your day
If you both know what you have scheduled for your day, it makes things easier. When things are up in the air, it can lead to arguments and a little bitterness. Ensure you both know how the day will go.
13. Ensure that you get enough rest
If you're already tired and irritable, then things look even more tedious. Ensure you're nourished and rested. Eat on time, stay hydrated, get enough sleep.
14. Approach the whole decision with joy and positivity
The best thing you can do along with focusing and planning is to make sure you're optimistic. Whining over the small stuff and blowing things out of proportion will definitely not help. The stress of moving home will not be eased if you worry. Embrace and enjoy the day and realize that you're finally going to be living together with your special person.
The thing is, no matter how long you and your partner have been together or how much you love each other, there will be a transition period after you move in together. From picking the perfect home and bringing in your stuff, making that space yours, working out the money issues-all of it takes planning. Of course, you'll be stressed. But once you actually move in, the thought that you will be spending your time with your beloved partner will make it all worthwhile. Sure, you'll annoy each other in unexpected ways. Be ready to work things out.