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Every morning her husband, Vijay takes the car to work. Since public transportation is sparse to non-existent, Bama is forced to stay at home all day. She tried to get a driver’s license but since she is not issued the social security, the process was tedious and involved a lot more paper work on Vijay’s side, but he didn’t feel up to it. “Arrey, I am there na, I will take you wherever you want to go!” he had said.She hardly has any social life these days (other than the occasional weekend gatherings). Even though Vijay had promised to take her anywhere she wanted to go, he hardly has any time. He is almost always busy. After coming from office, he either has to continue to work or goes to play cricket with his friends! Bama stays home and misses her life and career in India. She used to be a lecturer in a college! And now she doesn’t even have a mobile phone. She’s learnt to be happy with the landline. She becomes desperate to keep her sanity, she turns to developing fancy cooking as a hobby, she turns to the Internet, becomes overtly active in the social media. She watches all the crappy soaps she used to hate in India. She is finally up-to-date with all the movies (a feat she never dreamed of achieving in India). But all this only helps so much. She plans to read, but books are costly and Vijay thinks it’s a total wastage of money, the cable line is cheaper.When they do go out, she learns to deny herself. She had never had the habit of asking money from her husband before. But now for tiny things, to even buy a nail polish she likes, she has to ask her husband. So she learns to say no to her wishes. She learns to entertain only the needs.Since she is not eligible to work, she plans for higher study. But since she is not eligible for the loan, she doesn’t want to burden her husband with her student loan. Her over-dependency on her husband destroys her self-confidence. Even though she is highly qualified, she feels totally at the mercy of her husband! She feels like a prisoner locked inside a room, who has food to eat and water to drink but she feels like someone whose dreams, aspirations have been taken away. She has no identity of her own. Vijay however seems not to notice all these. He has done whatever he could do. He has taken a nice apartment on rent, bought a nice TV, taken the cable connection – what else could he do to keep Bama happy at home? “It’s just time”, he says to himself, “with time she will learn to accept.”And then one day, she does. She learns to see herself as a stationary object in her husband’s moving life.The EndP.S: This is just not the story of Bama but most of the women who are here on H4. I have been thinking a lot on this lately, probably because most of the women I meet here fall in this category. They come from diverse backgrounds, but have strikingly similar back stories. They are all smart, qualified and confident women. Back in India they were used to having their ways; they were completely self-sufficient. They managed their many roles efficiently. It was hard work, but there were achievements that made them happy. They were all independent, modern Indian women.But when they came here, most of those privileges were taken away. Ironical, isn’t it? While for others this is the land of opportunities, they crawl inside, helpless, for, the most progressive nation of the world has revealed itself to them as only a regressive place to live in. They lose their freedom in the land of the free.Yet, I meet more women every day, who have come here with their husbands. On H4. They all did the right thing though. When their husbands’ H1Bs were approved, they all dutifully applied their H4s. Because nobody doubted that it was the right thing to do. Everyone was so at peace with the idea that there was no place to ask the question. If for a moment their own hearts nagged, they pacified it, and felt guilty afterwards to even have created the smallest opportunity for the same. They are Indian wives after all. You can be as modern and self-sufficient as you like with your husband around, but, when he moves to a different place he reckons will be better for him, if you decide not to uproot yourself and accompany him, the very ones that loved you and had no problems with your being independent and self-sufficient, would not think twice before calling you selfish and too modern to suit the traditional Indian values. A good wife always follows her husband – no question asked.And so they came. They willingly wrapped their lives and careers in India and boldly embraced the life they hadn’t known before. It disappoints me when I see their husbands merely thinking their duties complete after buying a sofa or a large screen TV. And what is more disappointing is, in general, they are considered the generous ones! I have had the misfortune of meeting one who bought his wife yarns of wool to knit him a sweater for the winter, because, in his opinion, she anyway didn’t have anything to do at home, at least this way she could save him $100 or more on a coat!All these wives tend to the whims of their husbands without complaining. In return all they ask is the acknowledgement; they want their husbands to be appreciative of the great sacrifice they all have made.
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Riot of Random
