So .. I did it!! This picture below sorta best depicts how I looked after I did. Kind shocked and sober-minded, at the same time.
My book is finished! I AM officially AN AUTHOR.
Last night I ordered my book proofs to be delivered in the mail in a few days. I really don’t know how to get over of the shock of it all, but it feels so good to be here! I have been trying to bask in the ‘ quiet shock’ of it all within the past few days and trying to contemplate what all this really means for me. I know it will change the course of my life, the course of my future and even some of my relationships. I am most curious though, about the relationship changes, cause people seem to think you have changed, when you become an author. There’s this sort of quiet honor you have for those who have “arrived”, or you either have a sort of quiet reticent sort of thing going on, ( which I haven’t come yet to understand….) but it’s cool, because I want those who are reticent to come and ask me how I did it. ( It’s a literal miracle and a testament to the grace of God, it really is.) I want God to be glorified in the answer. I some may want to know, because it’s partially because they may desire the same honor of authoring a book.
But honestly, I am still me. A very important me, but still me.
I am trying to think of how it felt once it was one. At first, I didn’t allow myself to feel it. I am not sure why that was… but now that it’s been a few days, I have felt several emotions, and shock was one of the first. Then, I felt sort of a solemn melancholy sort of feeling, then I felt happy for myself –accomplishment is hard for me. I get sort of really self-critical, even when I have done a good job. Yes, that’s my sense of perfectionism. I am a work in progress. Elation hasn’t quite hit yet, though. I am waiting on that one. I believe that one shall come once I have my release party and truly feel the success.
So taking a risk with the voice of transparency, I have to be honest, though, the biggest change for me is in knowing that I will have to change my comfortable and composed way of being and doing when it comes to writing. I admitted that to my accountability partner recently, and told her that the reason the book took so long was that - I really didn’t want the added responsibility God would place on my shoulders s being an author.
I have entered a new threshold, if you will… a phase of life that requires I WRITE MORE and THINK HARDER and PRODUCE MORE, in essence, about what I enjoy writing about. There’s a scripture that says : ” To whom much is given, much is required.” Luke 12:48
Every time I reach a dream of mine, it seems like I have more to do, because I have reached that dream. Does that make sense?
Another rather cool version of this scripture says: “ From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Whoa, the pressure is on, right?
I don’t know about you, but that makes me wanna go “ouch!” But that’s sort of how answered prayer happens. You get blessed and then you are expected to share and make an offering in such away that it becomes a memorial unto God.
It’s sort to of like you become the poster child for benevolence. Amen.
So when you know your purpose, this doesn’t really become a burden at all, it just becomes a BIG, scary world, where you feel as if you don’t really have enough to offer.
So, here I go.. me and God… ( I can’t do it alone, of course!)
But boy, does He has plans to use me!
