At times like this, I'd think: does she have to deal with this as well as everything else?
I'm talking, of course, about Isobel's vision. Not that she's visually impaired - just that when she looks slightly eastwards, her right eye doesn't quite align with her left.
Although Isobel's eyesight has preyed on my mind for more than a year now, it's not as if I've dithered over this for too long. Following an eye test at just one year old, the orthoptist did think Isobel might need an eye patch, but given that she'd just been diagnosed with CP, the time wasn't quite right for one just yet. Isobel still had 20/20 vision, after all, and there was a possibility that the cross-eyes she had at the time could straighten out naturally, like most babies' did.As a child, I once had a "lazy eye". I'd undergo regular eye exercises every day. By then I was in one of those vile NHS prescription glasses - I have been short-sighted since childhood - so I had an enormous fabric Elastoplast stuck over the left-hand lens, rather embarrassingly, while I was at school. Thank goodness I never had my official school photo taken with it on.
The orthoptist acknowledged that Isobel's eye condition could have been inherited from me. Then again, in light of her age, it was a toss-up between that and the CP; Isobel, it transpired, was much too young for her disability to have established itself properly. A review in three months' time was recommended.
But we didn't turn up. I forgot. Isobel was still in and out of hospital for her seizures, and there were so many discussions flying around about her disabilities - all those doctors, assessments and appointments - that I'd had enough. I didn't want to know about her eyes as well. Upon seeing the missed appointment in my diary, my heart grew heavy as lead - and with it so did my shoulders and arms. I couldn't bring myself to pick up the minicom.
It didn't matter; I got a rescheduled appointment letter anyway. In fact I think I got two. But I kept forgetting. In the end, Isobel's eyes did correct themselves - and as soon as they did, I wiped all memory of the orthoptics from my mind.
With such a wide-ranging umbrella term like CP, all kinds of long-term complications can arise, making its overall impact hard to predict. Already, Isobel has acquired global developmental delay and microcephaly, and is being monitored for scoliosis. Her learning curve may have been hampered by it too, although lately, she has indicated strong emotional intelligence.
Not that we know for sure if the eye mis-alignment is definitely related to CP; the cause still hasn't been identified, even though how Isobel's eyes are behaving today is clearly distinct from how they used to be at 12 months old.
The current advice is to wear an orthoptic eye patch for a hour every day for a month. That was meant to start last month, but I admit, rather shamefacedly, that I only began sticking it on her last week. Judging by the recent orthoptics appointment letter I received, it seems that I missed this month's review too. Sometimes, you just want the demands on your perseverance to stop.
