A song that right now, is providing me with fuel and has helped pull the wool back from my eyes.
I'm going to be overly honest here; today has been bloody awful.
My baby fell head first off of a stall in a store that should never have allowed him to be on it. And I never should have and I get that. But I trusted them, I followed their lead. And I made the wrong call. Because you know what.. I'M NOT PERFECT. I sometimes make the wrong judgements. I sometimes trust the wrong people. And the wrong situations.
I try to be the best person, wife and Mum I can be. But I am not superhuman. And those that criticize me need to take a good hard look at themselves and ask themselves are you really that perfect yourself?
Asides from the deep upset about what happened to Ethan today. I then got tore apart by a group of individuals who I cannot describe in any other way than, low life Internet trolls who appear to get a sense of deep satisfaction out of preying on the vulnerable and then tearing them to pieces like a pack of wolves would. The people concerned are part of a popular parenting websites forum. They repeatedly sat behind their computer screens typing vicious nasty words aimed towards me and pressing enter.
At the time their words cut through me like glass. Being told repeatedly when you're already down, that you are a irresponsible parent, that you shouldn't post your childs image or name on the Internet, that your blog is 'cheesy'. It can hurt. A lot.
And it did.
I was vulnerable at the time because I was already upset. And because of this I panicked, I let them win. I took my blog down. I cried, a lot. I withdrew.
And then, after I'd cried myself out. And after receiving so many unexpected message of support from not only the the real people who have become as good as friends, that I write my blog for. But from members of that forum who were disgusted at the abuse I'd received..
I woke up.
I pulled the wool back from my eyes, dusted myself off and saw it for what it really was.. actually rather comical.
I mean how did little old me spark such a reaction? How lovely is it that these ugly-souled trolls cared that much to spend that much time trying to break me. I mean, wow, who knew I was such a talking point?
Dearest trolls,
Repeating snippets of information back to me, as if to intimidate isn't particularly original or clever....
Yes, I work for the police. Yes I make mistakes, lots of them but I'd rather make mistakes trying then not try at all. Yes, there's probably one hundred+ grammar and spelling mistakes in this post. And yes you're probably right, my blog is cheesy. Because you know what... unlike you, I am happy. So happy that it probably makes you sick. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful life and I am so grateful for that. But you, you seem to be sad, sad enough to have nothing better to do with your time and you know what? - I feel for you. I really do. But sadly, just not enough to give you anymore space on my blog. Goodnight and thanks for making me stronger :) x
Oh and P.S. what is actually rather irresponsible is sitting on an Internet forum as a Mum yourself verbally abusing other people. That's not really being a good role model for your kids now is it?
