I have never been accused of being a quiet person.
In fact, I can probably count on my hands (possibly even one) the number of times I've been asked to speak up. On the other hand, if I had a nickel for every time someone told me to "quiet down" or "use my inside voice," I wouldn't have to worry about money any time soon.
The point is: I'm loud.
Spend any amount of time around me, and you'll figure this out pretty quickly. Anyone who would ever accuse me of being a quiet person has clearly not spent very much time around me or has only seen me in fairly serious situations.
I talk loudly when I'm the phone. I get overly excited about things. I make exclamations at inappropriate times. I sing and yell and laugh and shout. I am a loud person. Period.
Since I've pretty much always been like this, you can imagine my disappointment, fear, and frustration when I read the words of one of the verses used most often when discussing Biblical femininity:
"Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:3-4, NAS)The way I understood this verse for a very long time meant that I had to be a quiet person in order to be precious in the sight of God. According to this verse, that's what I thought was beautiful according to the Bible, and I thought that in order to be a woman of God I needed to exemplify these qualities — meaning, I thought I had to be quiet.
At one point someone explained to me it wasn't so much that you had to be a quiet person but have a quiet spirit. What did that even mean?
Even if it was okay for me to be a loud person, I didn't know what it meant to have a quiet spirit. I felt like if I had a quiet spirit, being quiet would be easier. I still equated a "quiet spirit" with a quiet lifestyle or attitude or action.
Either way, "quiet" and Sarah do not go together, so I thought I was in big trouble.
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For years, I struggled with my loudness.
It seemed like all the stories of the women who were praised in the Bible were quiet people or they had quiet spirits.
Esther's quiet patience won the king over and saved her people. Mary, the mother of Jesus, quietly submitted to the Lord's plan for her life. Mary of Bethany's quietness before Jesus was praised over Martha's hustle and bustle.
I scoured the pages of Scripture, looking for the woman who was loud and laughed and sometimes yelled and was praised for it. But I never found her.
Even in my every day life, all the woman I heard described as "wonderful women of God," the woman that I should seek to be, seemed to be quiet women. They weren't the women who jumped up and yelled in excitement or fell over in dramatic frustration. They weren't the women who were constantly covering their mouths because of exclamations made at seemingly inappropriate times or shouting across the room to greet a friend.
I knew some of these women. I knew I would become one of these women. And yet, I didn't see these women praised for being amazing women of God.
Certainly, they were wonderful women of God. They loved the Lord. They loved life. They loved their families and their friends and they were passionate about pursuing things. But I always saw the quiet ones being praised.
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In 2007, I read the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers for the first time.
The series, which contains three books, focuses on four different characters. Haddasah, a Messianic Jew who is captured during the fall of Jerusalem to Rome and sold to a Roman aristocratic family as a slave. Marcus and Julia Valerian, son and daughter in the aforementioned aristocratic family. And Atretes, a German barbaric warrior who is captured and trained to be a gladiator.
The plot of the three books has many ins and outs, twists and turns, but one of the biggest driving forces and recurring themes is that Haddasah's faith affects everyone around her.
And guess what? Hadassah is quiet.
She is constantly described by those around her as a quiet, gentle person. Her presence is unassuming and comforting. She doesn't get loud or shout or scream. People often forget she is there or don't notice her because she is so silent and unassuming. Her quiet tenderness draws people in and brings many to the Lord.
I remember reading those books for the first time and desperately wishing that I could be like Hadassah.
I so longed to be a woman with such a quiet, unassuming presence that I couldn't help but draw people in. I wanted her gentle and quiet spirit that affected people for the kingdom. I didn't want to be the loud, easily-excitable person that I am.
A few years later, I read the books again. In the third book, As Sure As the Dawn, another female character enters the scene. Her name is Rizpah. She's a fireball who sometimes speaks before she thinks, gets loud and frustrated, and is undeniably passionate about life.
As I read through the books a second time, it hit me.
Rizpah wasn't a quiet woman, but she still lived her out her faith with genuine love and passion and people were changed because of it.
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I'd be lying if I said I was done struggling with my loudness.
I am still fully aware of the judgmental looks when I make exclamations and the shushes I receive when my voice raises above an acceptable "inside voice" volume level. I still have moments when I wish that I was what people thought of when they heard the words "quiet and gentle spirit." But I'm slowly learning to embrace and love my loudness.
Over the last few years, the Lord has been teaching and reminding me that He made me the way He made me for a reason. I'm not a naturally quiet person because I wasn't meant to be a naturally quiet person.
And even if some people consider it a faux pas, He beams with delight when I squeal with excitement over things or throw my head back and laugh loudly. He loves it when I sing and yell and shout for His glory. He delights in my excitement and my extreme emotions and my joy and the noise that I make. He loves it when I am loud.
If you're a naturally quiet person, that is wonderful. And if you're not, that is wonderful, too.
I believe God made us differently because we all represent different sides of Him. I believe that there is a quiet side of Him and a loud side of Him and we all represent those to varying degrees and He loves us all showing Him to the world.
If you're quiet, you may better represent the whisper in the wind or the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit. If you're loud, you may better represent the booming voice in the burning bush or the voice from heaven.
Our personalities are unique because God made us to show a unique side of Him that no one else can show.
You are made in God's image and you are fully and wholly loved, whether you're loud or not. So love your quietness and rest in it. Or love your loudness and be excited about it.
As for me, I'm learning to accept my loudness. Maybe one day I'll be able to say, without reservation, I'm loud and I'm proud.
Are you a naturally quiet person? Or like me, are you naturally loud? Do you have other personality quirks that you struggle to reconcile with what Scripture seems to say?
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