It finally got to me: I am not OK with being around people, even if related to my hubby or me, that don't strengthen our marriage.
I am no longer single. Nor is my hubby. The whole is a much bigger, and more important deal, than our individual needs...when it comes to our marriage. But our invidividual needs must also be met in order to meet in the middle.
It's a hard balance, but I figured out that I'm perfectly OK spending time -solo- with my friends, and perfectly OK with my hubby doing the same. It works for us.
What doesn't work is spending time with folks that, well, don't want us there, together.
So I put my foot down.
"No, I am not going to that "party," even though you are talking about it a year in advance. They are YOUR friends, not mine." I reminded him for the 100th time last night. "You will have more fun without me...why doesn't this register with you?"
The conversation went on. Rather, the slight disagreement. (Way to ruin that double Margarita that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place Mr. Man).
In the five years, well, almost five years, we've been together, this has been a point of contention once I decided to "do me," to make us happy.
But yesterday, only four days into my new medication regime, which is making me rather miserable, not to mention the horrid LA weather, I was a little snippy.
"I can't have this argument again and just stand behind and watch it unravel with cryptic texts, phone messages, and other forms of communication that I'm privy to." (sorry folks, hubby isn't very good at keeping secrets).
So it all ended like this: "Your friends and your family, your commitments. Don't bring me into the mix unless it's something that's inclusive and won't affect our relationship," I told him.
I hope, pray, did I say hope? That this is the last time we have this conversation...because I am so. over. it.