I see a little girl, afraid of being hurt. Afraid of losing a mother, a family and belonging.
I see a woman, scared of being alone, scared of being rejected and scared of what the world might look like outside of the “safe little bubble” she always returns to
I see a sister, strong and resilient, creative and courageous but dulled by the world she finds herself in
I see that I can only love you from afar
I see that who you became , the growth you experienced and the changes you made have all been lost and reverted as you nestle yourself back into that seemingly safe cocoon.
I don’t blame you for the rejection that comes in the place where love should, time and time again
Whether it’s smart or not, right or wrong, I’ll always be here, waiting for you, because I always have and always will be.
I wish you knew how strong you were, knew that you could stand on your own without the need to forever feel torn, to choose people who broke you, rejected you and burnt you in ways that you never deserved
Perhaps that’s my fault
Perhaps I should put my foot down and tell you to open your eyes
To remember how alone they made you feel, all the dishonesty and secrecy, all the lies and deceit, all the times you cried and called me, all the times I picked you up without a second thought that you would burn me and reject me, in favour of the same person
I see how I am with you, willingly loving and always there, as you with them
And yet in both scenarios, we’re wrong, we probably should just stop putting effort in when effort doesn’t lead to happiness or reciprocated actions
I see a sister tired of being used, tired of giving so much, tired of her words always being twisted into thorns of hatred
I see that I need to let you go, until you are willing to be the person I know you can be again
I know it might take years and might take a million tears before you ever break free of the insulated bubble, but one day when it happens, I know I will be there… as I always have been.
