Diaries Magazine

I’ve Been Thinking…

Posted on the 21 May 2011 by Redneckprincess @RdNeckPrincess

Mostly that is dangerous, sometimes though, once and a while. Maybe not. As you surely all know, my house has been on the market since last summer. As you also all know, it hasn’t sold yet.I’ve been thinking…

I am a true believer in everything happening as it should happen, at this point in my life I don’t question the Universe or how things work out. I know they are always the way they should be.

This morning my friend Lou posted a blog, where she explained having a uh-huh moment. One where suddenly things become clear to you, in an instant. It got me thinking…and then…

I had one too.

I was looking online this morning at MLS and houses in Maple Ridge. I have been torn between renting and buying again. There is absolutely no way I can afford to buy anything in Vancouver.

I also started thinking, I want a simpler life. I don’t want to have to work 60 hours a week to pay my mortgage or my rent, I don’t want to spend and hour in rush hour everyday to get to work and back.

It then occurred to me that, maybe, just maybe I am not ready for city life full time, and I also have reservations about doing that to my son, who has always been in a small friendly town.

So all along, I have been the one holding it all back…me.

I was puttering around my yard, when it occurred to me that as much as it seemed like a great idea almost a year ago, I have had reservations about it. I thought about moving back to my hometown at first and then put the idea out of my head, even though if felt right to me.I’ve been thinking…

As I was sitting out in my yard earlier this morning it just kind of smacked me in the head. Why wouldn’t I move back there? There is one obvious, being that William lives in Vancouver. I think we could really make it work with me in Gibsons, his Dad lives there too, and we need to spend more time with him, actually his Dad lives about a five minute drive from my parents :) It is only a half hour ferry ride, rather than a two hour one, and about an hour drive from Bill’s to the ferry, no drive on the other side, and you only have to pay ONE WAY. After what we have been doing for the last year, it is easy.

I am not sure where I would live, whether I would rent or eventually buy there, but I feel safe thinking about it. I didn’t really feel that when I thought about living in Vancouver. It is totally possible that I can find something there that will be affordable to me, so I can still have a job like the one I have now, and have time to do all the things I love instead of working all the time.

It wouldn’t have to be forever, but for now, it might be the right thing. Colton would be in a school that is maybe even a little smaller than the one he is in now, it is a town I know and have lived in for a lot of my life. The people I love are all close. My parents being close when I move Colton, will have a big impact on how he deals with it, I think. I have not talked to him about this yet. I know he doesn’t want to move at all, but it would be a good life there, I could have Hannah over too, even without her Dad :)

It is funny, since I have had my little epiphany, I have had three cars drive by, and stop to look at my house. It might just be a long weekend thing, I suppose. Or maybe not. It doesn’t really matter I guess, if I am making the right decision it will sell. I am removing all the blockages that I have had in my mind up until today.

I’ve been thinking…So as I sit on my porch in the country, with my dog and my cat, with the hummingbirds fighting for a drink not even 10 feet from where I sit, with the neighbour’s kids playing in the sprinkler and screaming at the top of their lungs (because it is May, and even though it is a nice day, I imagine it’s cold) with the stellar jays squawking at us, for no apparent reason…

I think maybe this is the life I still want, maybe the big city isn’t ready for me yet. I can have the life I want…one that I am free to do all the things I have ever imagined doing, with the man I want to spend the rest of it with. I just think maybe my plan wasn’t all figured out yet, maybe it still isn’t, but my soul feels at peace when I think about it. I know myself well enough to know, that in my life, that is the cue to me that maybe the decision I thought was the right one, isn’t necessarily the path I am supposed to be on.

My parents don’t know I am thinking about this either, actually no one does but William. I am just putting it out there, to see how it feels.

So far, today, right now, this second. It feels good, and right and happy. I almost feel relieved, and more than I have for a long time, I feel safe.

Safe with knowing, that I am making a really big change in both of our lives, and that I am doing it for all the right reasons…and it will work for all of us, to make our lives richer being with our families, our parents and each other. It might not be conventional, but that has never seemed to work for me anyways, so maybe I need to just go with my gut this time and do what makes me feel the way I do right now.

Thanks Lou…for making me think, for being brave and strong in your own growing and learning to nurture and love yourself, for being a new friend that I am truly glad to have found.

Thanks William, for loving me, no matter what I do, or what incredibly insane path I take, I know you are there beside me, for the duration…I love you beyond words for that…

Thanks to the Universe, for just letting me be here…what an amazing gift.

I’ve been thinking…

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