I got married when I was 21 years old, Jared and I met when I had just barely turned 18. When people see my ring flashing in the sunlight they always are amazed at my age, ESPECIALLY, outside of Utah. I get offended by some of the comments. I imagine it's like "what not to say to a pregnant lady", here are some things NOT to say to a young married couple. (I'm not joking I've heard ALL of these MULTIPLE times!)
-Divorce rates double if you are younger than 30 when you're married.
-Why did you get married so young, you HAD your whole life ahead of you.
-What are you going to do now that you're already married.
-Do you wish you would have waited?
-Did you get married because you wanted: 1. to live together 2. to start a family 3. to make your family happy.
-Do you get nervous that he will find someone younger when you hit 30?
Whenever I'm outside of Utah people look at me with eyes so confused they may have seen a green hippo. Apparently in Utah, because the dominant religion is LDS (mormon) and in that religion they believe in not having sex until you're married, not living together until you're married and many men go on missions at 19 and when they come home at 21 would like to get married. All of those things factor into the very young couple and families in Utah. At home, it's not AS weird to people that I'm 23 and coming up on my 2 year marriage anniversary.
Mind you none of those things factored into my decision to marry my incredible husband. I married him because we are in love. We'd been together for about 2 1/2 years when he proposed and almost 3 years when we got married. I still battle these incredibly stupid comments about being too young for marriage on the daily. It drives me crazy. PLEASE by considerate when you're talking to a young married couple. In the 2 1/2 years we were together before the ultimate commitment we'd been through a lot together and APART. We grew as individuals before making a healthy commitment to one another. I honestly believe that living on our own (he in his home, me in mine) and budgeting for ourselves while maintaining a comfortable lifestyle really helped us. When we got married we didn't have a "money talk" we knew how it worked and just incorporated ideas together. (side note: Jared is not 23, he is 29 and was 27 when we got married). More importantly if we are ever in a bind we can count on the other to help us. We have independent relationship and relationships to maintain as a couple, no matter what we stand behind each other 100% and always strive for open communication.
I'm not here to preach to all of you about how I knew marriage was right for me at 21. What I am here to do is tell you to be careful when you're judging someone else's relationship. We're all different and because you were married at 33 does not make you any "better" at marriage than me. You may have advice, but you're not married to my husband and you're not me. Do what works for your marriage and we will do what works for us. We're not conventional, we're not old and we're not stupid.
I believe the death of all relationships is ultimately comparison. The grass is always greener or keepin' up with the Jones'. If my mom and dad were the Jones family and I was trying to keep up, I would have 3 kids right now. This worked for my parent's they just hit their 25th anniversary, but it's not what is right for J and I.
I fell in love at 18 years old.I was married at 21 years old.Our 2 year anniversary is in 7 days.We're happy.
