When I’m not eating, my body and head ache in a breathless pounding way. It’s more than the tilting rush of standing up or the disturbing pricking pain of my frenzied thoughts. My body aches like a frantic sob for help–like my body is actually screaming at me.
When I’m not eating, my heart doesn’t beat–it slams.
When I’m not eating, I get lost in micro movements. I can’t track my own thoughts, much less a full conversation.
When I’m not eating, everything is so much sharper and that itself is addicting and cruel.
I need to write more because I’m letting go of all of my realities again; I have many truths and I’ve worked hard to collect them here. I need to hold them here.