Diaries Magazine

If I Have a Baby It Will Be a Chimpanzee

Posted on the 06 July 2012 by Mikidemann @mikidemann
Yesterday I blogged about love, traditions, marriage, and things got serious. I mean some of us may have had our lives changes from that post. Okay probably not, mostly it was just me venting. Today I wanted to lighten things up, I mean literally I want to bring you to the light, and help you understand some things. Most of you know that I am terrified of having children, I have blogged about being scared of the actual process. Plus I’ve said I would be a bad mom, I think except to puppies. I could go into this fear in depth, but if my mom reads this, it will make her cry and I promised to keep things light today. So I will just scrape the surface. I love to sleep, when I get woken up I resent it more than you can even imagine. I am very selfish, when I don’t get what I want I throw a tantrum, like a baby. Which brings me to my next point. I am still a baby. I am only 5 feet tall for crying out loud!
Anyway. Sometimes I do want babies, mostly when I see one of those little tiny humans that are really happy and cuddling AND asleep. Jared and I think that one day far in the future we will probably be parents. One day.. FAR in the future. We also think that our babies will be hairy. Like they will come out and you’ll think it’s a huge puppy. We know this because I am a hairy person. I mean I have like mounds of hair on my head, if I were to cut it off, we’d be able to tie like a million miles of fishing line. My legs have to be shaved every second, and my arms have hair (blonde - but it’s hair!) and when my mom waxes my eye brows she has to cut them with scissors first, because I am THAT hairy. attackhair-2012-07-6-12-01.jpg
Jared is ALSO really hairy. I mean the hair on his head could clothe a small, but chubby child for an entire winter. His arms and legs are blackened with hair, they are tan sometimes, but you can’t tell under all that fur. Plus if you’ve seen photos of Jared, which you have (above this paragraph and below it). He has a full on beard. All over his face. If he doesn’t it trim it like every other hour, he’d look like he has been living in the woods for the past 20 years, which means he’d have lived there since he was 8. I am almost positive he was shaving his 5 o’clock shadow at 8 years old.JareHair-2012-07-6-12-01.jpg
When we have children, they will be the hairiest little devils on earth. This is what our baby would look like according to http://www.morphthing.comI put in pictures of Jared and I, and this is EXACTLY what our child will look like. The website didn’t specify if it was a boy girl, and I can’t tell, but IT has Jared’s eyes..ScreenShot2012-07-06at12.32.44PM%2525282%252529-2012-07-6-12-01.png
MorphThing didn’t take into account all of our hair, so I know this is what our baby will REALLY look like:baby-chimpmikijared-2012-07-6-12-01.png
If it’s a girl: ChimarillaIf it’s a boy: BoyanzeeThose are solid names right?

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