*Photo Credit: Unknown
From a very young age I have always struggled with my appearance.
I cannot begin to describe the battle I faced everyday when it came to my looks. I was a scrawny kid with crooked teeth, glasses, and an extremely low self esteem to boot. Even though others around me would continually try to build up my self esteem with compliments, I just struck them down with fierce denial. To me, I was ugly and there was nothing I could do about it.
I remember looking in magazines, and always being completely captivated by the women who covered the glossy pages. I idolized the women who I thought were beautiful and I deeply envied their shiny hair, glistening pearly white smiles, perfectly proportioned figures, and blemish-free complexions.
I could not wait for the day when I would grow up and maybe look like these beautiful models. To me they were the very essence of beauty, and I was not.
I remember when I was young I used to sit in the bathroom watching my mom as she would get ready in the mirror. Standing at an impressive six feet tall my mom’s beauty was enrapturing. She emanated beauty with every fiber of her being. With long, flowing, curly brown locks, a beautiful figure, and a smile that lit up the room I soaked up her beauty like a sponge. I prayed to God that one day I would grow up and look just like her.
Looking back years later, I realize that even though it didn’t happen quite like I thought it would, I did grow up. Sadly, the road to embracing my beauty has been a painful and heart wrenching journey full of scars and the tiresome pressure to be beautiful.
As a female, I believe our society has put immense pressure on women to be “perfect” when it comes to their outward appearances. Women are the crown jewel of creation and are there by held in reverence and awe. Except in our culture, we only embrace those who are outwardly beautiful according to our standards. We judge each other based on our looks and how we fair in comparison to the ones we idolize and put on pedestals. Why is this? Why do we cut each other down mercilessly as a means to build ourselves up in this endless vicious cycle of competition? We should be valuing one another not just based on looks, but by our hearts.What do our hearts look like? Are they reflecting the beauty of a perfect Savior, or are they dark and desolate places filled with hatred, jealousy and bitterness?
Here is something profound that I have learned about beauty. Listen closely because this is a game changer. You ready? We are image bearers of God. Did you get that? Let it sink in for a minute. The Creator of the heavens and the earth created us to look like Him. I struggle to even begin to wrap my mind around such a profound truth. When I figured this out, I was awestruck. “You mean to tell me that the God who is perfect and without flaw created us in His image?!” I exclaimed aloud, realization hitting me like a runaway train. God didn’t create us like He did the other species of this earth, He specifically created us to bear His image. Whoa! This was heavy stuff.
“So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.” // Genesis 1:27
Now what do I do? If I am an image bearer of Christ, if we are all image bearers of Christ, how are we supposed to judge one another’s looks? To judge someone else based on their looks would be to judge our Perfect Creator. How the heck am I supposed to do that?!
After realizing this I will admit that I was a little dumbstruck. Everything I had ever been taught or learned from the media is that we are supposed to look a certain way. We are supposed to always strive to “look better”, appear “sexier” and “never stop improving” on ourselves. The expectations were daunting and the standards were impossible to reach. But now that I knew the truth I couldn’t deny it.
I have a confession to make. I am, by all intensive purposes, a model. I don’t do it full time, but I do it as a hobby in my spare time. At first, it wasn’t so fun. Until I believed the truth that God made me in His image, I was a shallow girl- a very shallow girl. I constantly judged others in a repulsive way, scrutinizing every detail that seemed to be “imperfect” about those around me. It was like constant word vomit and it was disgusting.
As harsh as I was towards others, I am sad to admit that I judged myself even more harshly; about ten times more harshly to be exact. I became obsessed with my appearance at all times. I made lists of things I needed to “improve on” or “fix”. I bought countless beauty products, spent hundreds and even thousands of dollars to always be up to date with the latest looks and yet I still felt tired and worn down, but most of all I still felt ugly. “How can this be?” I thought to myself aloud one day. “I am grown up, I look completely different than what I used to look like, but I still don’t feel beautiful.”
My identity was bound completely to my looks.
The constant battle that raged within me to feel beautiful and accepted by everyone around me left me exhausted and burnt out. I was done fighting. I was done competing. I just wanted to feel beautiful. Then I read this scripture:
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.” // Psalm 139: 13-16
*Photo Credit: Elizabeth Messina Photography
David’s words washed over me like gentle ocean waves. God made me. God made me in my mother’s womb. He sculpted me and formed me, knowing all the days ahead of me before they even happened. God knew what He was doing when He brought me into this earth. When He knitted me together in His very hands He had a plan for my life.
“How beautiful is that?! That is where my beauty comes from! My beauty comes from Him! ” I exclaimed joyfully.
Talk about tears of joy. It was like I could feel the chains of bondage falling off of me. The weight of all those desires, all of those doubts, and all those expectations came crashing down around me.
I stood completely free in front of my Savior, rescued and redeemed in His love.