The men will Go Away.
You see, it's the Annual Ice Fishing trip for the men in my family. They are off to do what men do. They will fish, they will drink beer, they will scratch, they will exchange tales of how they drove various things at high rates of speed...eeeyawn.
My husband insists that his forays into the wilderness to hunt and fish are for my own good. He no longer calls it Hunting or Fishing though, preferring to sell the trips to me as,"Getting Food for the Family". He is very passionate about calling it this, making us sound like some clan of lost suburbanites foraging the land in our Ford F150 simply to stay alive.
From what I've observed, obtaining this "free" food involves first making a number of curious investments. Investments in things such as whiskey and very expensive cheddar... The investments sometimes have little or no return. Sacrificed to the Fishing Gods, the whiskey and cheese are never seen again, and the fact that there are no fish in their place doesn't seem abnormal in any way. Anyway, off they go, and this time I'm hoping for a whole lotta walleye upon their return.
Getting back to the women, once again I'm in high gear trying to get the house ready. I adore my women guests, but somehow prep is easier when men come over. Men are not the least bit helpful, therefore they stay out of the kitchen. They may utter something like, "where do I put the empties?" You hand them a plastic bag for the weekend and there ya go. They don't have to see the state of the cupboards and fridge. With women guests, my system of Everything Behind a Closed Door, is not foolproof. They will inevitably be their wonderful selves and offer to put something away. At that moment I will become fully aware of just how many toast crumbs are in my cutlery drawer. They will open the freezer and 6 months worth of frozen over-ripe bananas will rain down upon their feet. "Whoops! Sorry! That's going to leave a mark. Why don't we apply a frozen banana in a ziploc bag to take down the swelling. Gotta use those damn things for something."
Anyhoo, next year at this time I am happy to report that the women's gathering will be somewhere hot and all-inclusive. The men can have their fish & beer & cheese. We'll have maids and beach chair service. Ra cha cha.
My April Fool, back from fishing and all ready for hunting season with his new Cutco hunting knife.
