I would just like to get everything settled once and for all.
I’d like to be finished with my anxieties and hang-ups, to silence that chatter in my head.
Why can’t I see each challenge as an opportunity to grow instead of an obstacle to climb over, hide from, or blast out of my life?
A couple from Montreal is coming to my art studio today in hopes of finding art for their new home. I am totally prepared, having finished painting for the day and organized my studio. I have a folder full of the information I might need. The computer in the studio is turned on so they can view my website if they’re trying to find a particular painting. Everything is priced.
But my mind isn’t satisfied. It starts wondering if the couple might want a painting that is now hanging in one of two art shows in town. If so, how will I handle it? Will I have to make a trip to retrieve the painting? Should I send the people to the exhibit to pick it up themselves? Will I have to pay the commission on that painting due the exhibit organizer?
When I think of all the possible issues that might arise, and how to deal with each one of them, I start wishing I’d told the couple not to come. It’s just too stressful.
STOP!
I take a deep breath. I laugh at myself.
Let it go, I say. Be prepared, but don’t care about the outcome.
That voice in my head is the crazy person I live with. But I am fond of her. She is always trying to find a better way, to fix things that are wrong, and to protect me from real or imagined harm.
I have read about those who’ve had an “aha” experience that changed them forever. In one fell swoop, they are finished with anxiety, confusion and doubt.
But what price did they pay?
I don’t know. I’m just out here wandering in the wilderness, trying this and trying that.
I guess I’m more a tinkerer than an “aha” kind of person.
But I don’t give up.