It's Been a Rough Day.

I came to work today happy and fine. About 2 hours into the work day my dad (whom I work with) told me he just received a call and my cousin had been killed in a car accident. I don’t want to write this, because I need sympathy. I just need to talk it out. It helps me make peace of things when I have someone to talk to. Unfortunately my best friend who I would normally call and let her listen to me bawl and try and make sentences through my cries, well she is in Italy for the month. Instead I decided to try a new method of being completely transparent on my blog. Not thinking through this post, but just letting myself go.Here it goes. I always have had a hard time dealing with death. My husbands best friend passed away last year, my Grandma passed away this past Decemeber. Like dealing with both of those deaths, It’s hard for me to comprehend not ever seeing my cousin again. I keep logging onto her Facebook page and rereading the posts she wrote this week, and looking at the photos of her at my wedding. I know that no one truly knows how to deal with their own emotions when you are in a traumatic situation or intense situation. But I feel like I am a mess. I don’t even want to call my own mom, because I know that I will just sit on the phone and bawl. Which makes me feel like I have less of a grip on my own emotions. I am texting my mom, because then I can form thoughts and we can have a conversation that progresses. I think maybe the best thing for me would be to go home and just cry. But I can’t force myself to go ask for the day off. Mostly because I think about being home alone, and that sounds awful. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t think I need to be rational right now. Love you guys. Call you sisters/ brothers/ husbands/ moms/ dads and tell them how much you love them ok?