When the person you’re going to hurt the most, is the person you love so deeply. The person you wish was right for you, but isn’t and hasn’t been since the first moment.
How do I begin to end it, when I feel so much regret for beginning it in the first place? For not sticking to my instincts and assuming our incompatibility would resolve itself with time and practice.
And it’s not to say you’re wrong, just that you and I are wrong.
And maybe it took me longer than it should have to finally swallow how much it’s going to hurt. And maybe it means everything I’ve worked so hard for, is a sunk cost and lost cause. But wouldn’t you rather be happy, than miserable and struggling every day?
I don’t remember the last time we laughed together.
I don’t remember the last time I desired being with you or wanted to spend time with you.
I don’t know if I’ll miss you, but I know I miss being me and being happy.
Maybe in some fucked up way we couldn’t have kids because we’d only bring them into something already broken beyond repair.
I’m done with doubting myself, with questioning myself, with feeling undeserving of the uneasiness I feel for our future.
I’m no longer listening to people who told me it’d get better, that I was lucky to have you and made me feel ungrateful for questioning why I felt like we were two opposite ends of a magnet never really clicking together but sometimes through force or accident “clicking”. We could never figure out how or why those perfect moments happened and so could never emulate them.
It’s no longer enough to wait for the accidental slip and intense momentary meeting in the middle.
