So, as you may or may not know, I am off to Florida for a bachelorette party weekend. Plans consist of shopping, swimming, Universal Studios, and dancing. Obviously, I’m most excited about Universal Studios, because – hello – Harry Potter World is there. Mostly, I’m just happy to be getting away for a while. I’ve been so bogged down by work and school for a long time now, and I need a break. I’m concerned, though, that even while we’re off relaxing and having a good time, I will still find something to feel anxious about, and it will be because I’ve been so used to feeling on edge and uptight about schedules and assignments and due dates and other responsibilities that I won’t know how to relax and just calm down and enjoy myself.
I think I have nervous issues. For instance, at work, I’ll just be sitting and reading during down time and my leg will just start bouncing, and that bouncing movement in itself makes me feel enormously anxious, but it will be for absolutely no reason. I’ll also realize at times that I’m not breathing or at least breathing methodically, in and out, as you’re supposed to do. Instead the breath will just be walled up in my throat or chest and when I realize this, I start to feel like something’s wrong even though there’s nothing about which to feel anxious or nervous. I feel like this could be the repercussions of a strained childhood, although nothing besides the idiotic bullying of one white-haired classmate, a couple of cousins, and a dark-haired rat-nosed boy comes to mind. Unless I delve into parental issues, which I’m sure could also be the case, but that’s a completely different blog post.
See, I’m even bouncing my leg as I write this! Of course, this could be because I’m excited about getting out of a town for a few days. But in all seriousness, I think this is a real problem that I need to figure out how to overcome. I have a tendency to make a big deal out of NOTHING. Just simply reading, and God knows I love it, can stunt my breathing and make me feel anxious. I really have no idea what that’s all about, because books were my escape growing up. So, this weekend I’m going to focus just breathing – relax my mind, ease my tensions, and just let myself go. (Not dangerously, mind you.)