they pushed me to breaking point
they made me feel absolutely worthless, hopeless, incapable of doing anything right
So I ended up in hospital
after I wanted to end it all
In an attempt to prove that I was fighting this illness, I did everything they asked
I played nice… I worked hard just to smile
I’ve undergone the most invasive procedure.. 8 times in a row…
My body was left aching while my mind was left blank.
I’ve spent days upon days miserable, wondering what I’m meant to do in life or what I’m worth…
I spent 36 hours awake at a time… not being able to do a thing in case I woke someone
or in case I made someone believe I wasn’t coping..
I started to take sleeping pills upon Panadol, upon Nurofen on top of anxiety tablets… just because I could not handle my conscious mind
I could not handle not having any answers
Just waiting while my fate laid in someone else’s hands
Someone laughing their life away, going home to a loving family
Someone with more money than I could comprehend ever earning…
Someone who would not care if I was here today and gone tomorrow
I’ve got to keep my head up, they say, for if I don’t, I’m still sick, I’m not ‘cured’
I can’t give in… I can’t let them beat me
and this whole time, I haven’t shed a tear
I have been so strong, I’ve tried to just keep thinking of the positive
kept faith in humanity, hoping it will pull through
but now… right now… i’m so close to breaking…
I’m just about to lose it all
It wasn’t enough that they have pushed me to my mental limits, left me broken
No, now they’re taking away all my material possessions too… Without even telling me the truth of what is happening, they are making me sacrifice everything…
literally everything I have spent so hard working for.. the last 5 years of sacrificing relationships, time, friends… is just vanishing before my eyes..
while they sit around their Christmas tree, drink their expensive wine in their mansions…
I won’t even be able to afford to buy a single loved one a present..
my spirit is almost broken…
