I am a public private person. It means although I am sharing so much on social media and gatherings, I still manage to retain my privacy on things I want to.
A friend of mine who probably knows me the best amongst all my friends said to me on how even when he knows so much about me, he just knows only 20% of me. You are mysterious that way, he says.
Another friend had said that although I keep in touch and we hang out he hardly knows what's going on in my life. Nobody actually does.
I am comfortable with this style of living. I always have been.
Until I found out the term- Comfortable Distance last year in December during my Foundation classes.
"Are you using Comfortable Distance to limit you?" was the question,
I look back at my life and wonder. I wasn't always like this. I had my best friends and boy friends who knew everything about me and somehow those things didn't work out. I ended up becoming more mature, setting boundaries, releasing the need to have best friends or boy friends.
I adhere to the belief that you have multiple soulmates - some for friendship, some for dating, some for grieving together and some for healing together. It works for me.
I also learned to protect my energy from depletion by setting clear boundaries on what I'd tolerate and what I wouldn't.
Expectations hurt, so I don't expect anything from others but only for myself.
Amidst this growing up, I still gave a chance to accepting some best friends as an adult and yet it didn't work out for me. I need my space, sometimes a lot of it. I like keeping myself whole and not giving everything away to only be taken for granted later or as a doormat. I am big on all these beliefs.
And yet, it makes me wonder am I limiting myself by creating this comfortable distance in order to keep myself safe?
Some people keep comfortable distance with relationships, some with friendships, some with money, some with jobs, some with businesses, some with older people, some with younger people, some with beauty, some with ageing, some with a healing modality or psychotherapy, some with medicines, some with hospitals, and so on.
It is a distance we choose to avoid vulnerability. People believe that vulnerability is weakness.
I am vulnerable with most people I meet and speak to, even strangers. Except when it comes to lovers. I don't let them in enough to shatter my foundations. I don't give them that power.
But what if the true power lies within? That even if you are vulnerable with this people, you'd be aware enough when they try to take advantage of you and you'd be strong enough to handle whatever comes with it.
We often feel we are not strong enough to handle the consequences, and hence, we choose what we choose - a comfortable distance, avoidance of vulnerability, an invisible wall of protection.
But you know what happens when you build a wall around yourself? You can't see when you have enemies attacking your fort. You can be unprepared while someone breaks down your opaque walls. But if there are no walls, you can observe your environment and you are always aware of the outside and your insides. Not alert. Just aware. And you trust yourself that you can prepare for the war if it comes, because this time you can see the war coming from a far distance.
Every day I work on energy, I change. I let go of all the definitions of who I am as a person. I then evolve. I become someone new everyday as I release my past every morning when I wake up.
Things have changed ever since December. I realized I can keep myself vulnerable, allow myself to get hurt but recover within a day, sometimes even in an hour. I allowed myself to step out of my comfort zone of not dating anyone, and go on a couple of dates without judgment. And even though I got hurt after all of these dates in unexpected and cruel ways (because in order to protect themselves from unforeseen rejection, people end up hurting the other person before getting hurt themselves), I realized I could take charge of my emotions back within an hour or a day.
My co-host of the workshop Interpretation of Visions and Dreams, Uma, messaged me in the morning today without me telling her anything. She was talking about her psychic visions when she said - Our feelings can be broken but however they can be restored too.
Don't make yourself so solid and rigid that you can never be fluid enough to flow with life. Don't create walls so high that you don't let people in at all. When we create walls for everyone, we also block the genuine person who would want to come inside our homes. Don't keep everyone at an arm's length. Allow some to enter and follow your awareness. Trust that you can take care of yourselves. You don't inherently need anyone. So if someone wants to come, let them. If someone wants to go, let them. Say "thank you" because their arrival is as much a gift as their departure.
Every experience brings a lesson. Every lesson makes you better.
The lesson was never to be so hard-core that no one can break you. Hard things often break. It's the soft things that don't break. The soft things often retain their shape back even after being stretched and pressed. The lesson was always to never lose the hope within your heart, to never stop believing in the goodness in the world. The lesson was never to stop loving. It was always to love but without attachments, without expectations. The lesson was never to keep comfortable distance. The lesson was to not give your power away no matter what the distance is.
On this note, if you are reading this, you can sign up for my 1:1 counseling and energy work sessions for a life of ease, joy and glory or even my 1:1 coaching sessions for a complete transformation in your personal and professional life that would work for you.
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