He's a keeper. She's a keeper.
What we usually mean when we say this is that someone we know or like is really special, too good to let get away, and we better recognize the value of what we have. And hold on.
And perhaps, sometimes we should take heed. (Other times, it's the last thing we should do). But what is often noticeable in our characterizations of these special others, is that to the degree that we think another person extra special-icious, [my word], can also sometimes be the degree to which we minimize or fail to appreciate our own value.
With a background soundtrack of social conditioning which enforces, in no small number of ways, our flaws and imperfections, and simultaneously encourages us to seek outside of ourselves for solutions to those things that ail us, we follow every trend, try every new diet, buy every thing that could give us an edge over our (imagined) competition. ( You're a one of a kind original. Who could really compete with you?) And being eager to do what we can to be our best selves, we buybuybuy, snipsnapsnip, and endeavor to changechangechange those things we deem limitations to ultimate happiness.
Early on many of us learned we weren't quite enough as we were, (blessed be those lucky ones who were generously affirmed and encouraged), and that we must shift, shape, and bend to the will of those whose love, acceptance, and support we needed (and/or relied on). With this backdrop, when it came to relationships, partnerships, familial connections, or friendships, almost anyone outside of ourselves could be cherished and held onto for dear life, because we ourselves were sorely lacking. And so, seeing, raising and idealizing the value in others to our own detriment of value, was born.
We learned to disown ourselves at some core level and thereafter, to always seek about ourselves for the remedy to our deficiencies.
"You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful."
― Amy Bloom
It's time to identify, recognize, and realize the keeper in ourselves.
When we can turn the tide and start realizing our own value, a given just because we exist, we are here, we made it (among many others who tried but couldn't swim fast enough), we should pause right there and consider the magnanimity of that. That is grand. That right there is worth applause.
So, while he or she might be mighty fine, mighty special, mighty wonderful, let us praise the worthiness of our own selves, even as we exclaim the value of others. Let us turn this whole thing around, and cease to let the external voices tell us just how we should think of ourselves, and what we need to do to live up to constructed ideals of worth.
If we don't know, now is the time to learn to keep ourselves. Keep (or find, and then keep) the specialness within ourselves as the treasure it really is. No one, or nothing outside of us can give us whatever we think we lack: no weight loss, no cosmetic surgery, no new fashion wardrobe, no xxx of money in the bank, no Louboutin shoes, no property, no people affirmations, no number of Facebook likes...nothing. (Yes, some of these are nice, no arguing that). We need to dig in and discover, and blow our own horns, sing our own tunes, and pat our own backs.
Let us realize the very specialness of our very existence. Against all odds we made it here, and despite whatever measuring sticks of value are used to indicate otherwise, we are valuable, and amazing, and complete, and perfect beyond any external measuring equivalences, be they people or things.
Let us keep in the forefront of our consciousness, and in the front seat of our hearts our intrinsic value and worth. Let us keep our own highest counsel when others try and diminish us. Let us keep encouraged when those things about us endeavor to shake our faith in ourselves by trying to show how inadequate, incomplete, impaired or defective we are.
Let us keep clear and positive and strong in affirming our merit, our virtue, our dignity, our excellence.
Let us come to know and be the keeper that we are.
© 2018. Egyirba High. All Rights Reserved.
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