Theme restaurants? Meh…..
But let’s just suppose for one minute, there’s someone out there who’s creative, hip, forward thinking and loaded to the gills with money to burn. He or she decides to try his or her hand at one of these concept fast food joints and chooses to open one with a Russian theme.
It could be an establishment that pays tribute to Mother Russia and her satellites when she was a world power. Before and during the time when the Supreme Soviet reigned, well…supreme. I think it could and would be capitalistic profit making venture that would score high Marx with consumers.
It would be called “Burger Czar” (Tsar for franchises in Canada)
Here’s a sample of possible menu items:
1) The People’s Fried Chicken Basket would be served with two left wings.
2) A nice, big Bolshevik of chili (served in an Onion Dome)
3) Tater Trotskies
4) Perestroika Burger: You get to ‘restructure’ your sandwich as you see fit. Ask for plenty of Red sauce
5) The St. Petersburger
6) KGB Tacos with Secret Sauce
7) The Gorky Pork Platter, served with a bed of Condoleeza Rice
8) A baked Sputnik served with bacon bits, sour cream, scallions and Olga Korbutter
9) Hungarian Gulag served with Yuri choice of bread or Kruschevre cheese
Dessert: You have your choice of Kremlin Brulee , Minsk Meat Pie and Red Squares (strawberry layer bars), or Chocolate or Vanilla Putin Pops
And the breakfast menu would include the “Rootin’ Tootin’ Rasputin Biscuit”. It can’t be cut, stabbed, shot or burned, but can ONLY be eaten with several glasses of very, very, very cold water.
And a lot of ice.
Drinks; Vodka and Volga Cola
bEntertainment would be provided on several mounted TV screens located in various locations around the dining area. Each would be playing a continuous loop of everyone’s favorite Communist pogroms such as the cartoon, “Mickey Maoist” and the popular sitcom, “Mikhail’s Navy”’
In terms of cute mascot, “Burger Czar” could use a lovable, cuddly cartoon donkey, “Alexi, The Polit-Burro”
And of course, there’s a huge Gdansk floor. You can boogie all evening to the delightful sounds of “Nikita and the Chernobyl Savages”.
There would be Lenin napkins on every table, of course and for hygienic purposes, ALL food service workers will be required to wear a hair nyet.
Da.
Dad
