Leaps and Bounds.

For so long I was held down by the demon only known as Panic Disorder. I was tortured by its all to close friend Agoraphobia. I became a person that I didnt even know anymore, a person that I myself didnt want to be around but had no way to escape. The fear that lived inside my head took hold and forced me to the think the worst of the worst of everything. Normal bodily functions, such as pain, or heart palpitations sent me to the ER, The Stress and fear intruded upon my sleep, my life and my family. My family had to go out of thier ways to help me.
When I had my nervous break down back in June it turned my whole world upside down. And the world of others. The people around me seen how crazy I was, not for any other reason than the way that this disorder controlled me. My Children suffered, not being able to even go in the backyard on beautiful days because I thought that the humidity would kill me. Not being able to go to everyday events like Birthday parties and Family functions.My family suffered, Having to go out of their ways to make sure that I was ok. My Mother for over a week straight had to come pick me up every morning when my husband left for work because I was scared to be alone. My Husband would have to drive to the next town over every night to pick me up. My Grandmother would call me everyday multiple times a day to make sure I was feeling ok. My friends had to babysit my children when I couldnt get out of the bed. My Uncle had to drive 30 minutes to pick me up and bring me to my doctor. and the few friends that I had, had to listen to me cry in their ear when I couldnt hold myself together.
That was 7 months ago.
The person I was then and the person I am now are two totally different people.
I can smile again! I go out with my family and enjoy everyday that God has given me. I have gained great friendships with people that read my story here on this blog, and have learned that more people than I could ever have imagined deal with this same thing everyday.
I have helped others overcome their fear of getting help. Answered Questions for those that were scared all hours of the day and night.
The more I helped people the better it made me feel!
I have overcome so many things, so many fears, and learned to accept the hand I was dealt.
I will not lie, things were not easy! Starting medication, Admitting to myself and the world that I needed help. It all came with a great deal of courage but once it was all out in the open and I stopped hiding under my rock the whole world started to fill its pieces back in around me.
After 3 months on my medication now, I truly believe that Lexapro has saved my life. It has saved my marriage. It has saved the future of my children.
Now, most people do therapy. The sit in groups and talk about their problems and learn how to accept. I do believe this helps people, but it was never my bag of worms. Instead I found my acceptance in other ways. My ability to move forward in the unlikliest of situations. I found my drive on the critisism of others.
For Example, A very good friend of mine (who has helped me overcome in more ways than he will ever know) has a horse, I made a previous post about her, her name is Stone Cold Cash. I went to visit with her in the earlier days of my treatment with Lexapro. From the instant I seen her I had this amaing feeling deep inside. A Feeling of Security, Strenght, and Innocence. A feeling of Hope. There was something about the beauty of this creature that just made everything seem as tho it would all be ok. And it was!
I also kept all my faith in an Angel, that I know was with me every step of the way, even tho I could not see him, I could feel his love just like it was when he was here. Michael was my Gaurdian Angel.(you can read about Michael in two of my previous posts, What Friendship Means to Me Guest Post for TammysTwoCents.com and, Its been One Year. That I posted for the one year anniversary of his passing)
I learned that blogging, even about the simpliest of things is a great way to relieve the inner demons.
7 Months after I went into that hole of depression, my life is looking up for the first time, in a long time. My ambition has sky rocketed. My will to go on has become more powerful that this illness and my puzzle is falling into place.
I Have decided to take better care of myself, I have decided to better my family. I have entered stores, applied for jobs, went out with friends.
Did things I wouldnt imagine me doing.
And I couldnt be happier than I am right now.
Tomorrow I go for a job interview, the first one I have had in over 4 years. While I am nervous, Its a normal kind of nervous. Nothing that is over powering and nothing that I cant control.
This battle has taught me so many things.

• Friends that are true, will accept you with all your flaws, and love you anyway.
• Family, the bond that blood shares is stronger than anyone could possibly imagine and there isnt a thing that they wouldnt do to help.
• Trust, is never under rated.
• There are some people that you never think you would grow a bond with, different walks of life, and they can become the most amazing strength you have.
• Sometimes, Tough Love is a good thing. Critisism if taken in stride will give you the drive you need to move on!
• Never under estimate your strenght.
• Dont be afraid to ask for help.
• Always have Faith!

The gratitude that I have for the people that have helped me thru this battle is beyond words. The friends that have stood by me are worth dying for. My Family, has showed me that there is nothing stronger than the bond of blood, and my daughters have showed me that the simpliest things are worth smiling for.
I can not wait to begin this life I have regained. and I Couldnt have done it with out you.