There are those who might take offense to the following post. Not going to apologize for anything.
In our town we had a recent tragedy in which a young life was lost. Due to the child’s age, details have not been released but there are rumors that bullying may have played a part.
I’m tired of some of these passive anti-bullying campaigns that sound good (Why don’t we all just try and get along?) but which are proving to be completely ineffective. Like the dads in the 1950′s who brought boxing gloves home for their sons in order to teach them how to punch the bully, I’ve decided to teach my youngest kids how to fight back.
I am one angry mom.
Last night I sat down with my two young daughters – baby chicks that they are – (ages 13 and 12 – my sons are older and have the tools and experience to not need this lesson) and we had ourselves a talk.
“Remember when you were little and we taught you that if a strange man grabbed you, you were supposed to yell at the top of your lungs “HE’S NOT MY DADDY!!!”?, I started our conversation.
Both of them remembered the lessons, they even remembered that we role-played different scenarios to make sure they felt comfortable saying something like that out loud. We did it to protect our kids. We did it because no one, no where had the right to hurt my children and it was one of the tools we wanted to teach our kids so that they could protect themselves.
“Well, no one has the right to say or do anything that makes you or anyone else feel bad,” I continued. “In the future, if someone says something to you in order to bully you, or if you hear someone say something to someone else specifically to make them feel bad, I want you to let that bully know that his behavior makes you angry. Very angry. I want you to look that person right in the eye and at the top of your lungs I want you to shout -
“FUCK YOU, YOU MISCREANT!”
A few things will happen as a result:
Bullies are a bit on the dumb side, they are not going to know what a miscreant is. When they get that confused look in their face, wipe your hands of them, and walk away. You’ve just won, you’re way smarter than they are.
Also, if you yell this at the top of your lungs, there is not a teacher or adult within 100 feet who is not going to notice and come over to see what is going on. Forget waiting until recess is over to tell a teacher that someone has bullied you, you go ahead and get their attention exactly when it happens. Trust me, this little gem of a phrase is going to get an adult to notice.
We talked about what bullying is and what bullying isn’t. My daughters who know that I don’t believe in any sort of censorship but who also know a “bad word” when they hear one both looked at me with big eyes. “Do you really want us to say that?” They asked.
Sure do, and as loudly and with all the anger you can muster.
Then we role-played a few instances where it would be appropriate to say such a thing.
“Addy, you’re a jerk, you’re fat, and ugly, and you shouldn’t be at this dance.”
“FUCK YOU, YOU MISCREANT!”
And then Addy walked away.
“Emma, why do you hang around Billy? He’s nothing but a little fag and a queer.”
“FUCK YOU, YOU MISCREANT!”
And then Emma walked away with imaginary Billy (she even held his imaginary hand.)
“Mom,” said Emma, my youngest, a look of worry on her face, “if I say that word at school, I’ll be sent to the principal’s office.”
“That’s okay,” was my response, “you know my cell phone number, you just give it to the principal and let her know that I would be more than happy to talk with her about this. Grownups think kids shouldn’t say words like this. Your mom thinks that kids shouldn’t bully you and if they do that gives you the right to fight back and even say the ““F” word.”. In this instance, your mom trumps other grownups.”
Because no one, no where has the right to bully and hurt my children or anyone elses’ kids and this is one of the tools I want my kids to know so that they can continue to protect themselves against others outside of our flock who might want to cause them harm.
This is what needs to be protected.
