This is going to be a bit of a heavy one tonight but it’s something that’s been on my mind this week so fair warning and here goes!
Tonight kids, I want to talk to you about sexism. More specifically sexism towards women. This all came about on Sunday night when a friend of mine, Shaun, tweeted the following:
I don’t like the term ‘sniffing around’ when used to show your ‘intentions’ with a young lady!
— Shaun Winston Taplin (@taps83) February 24, 2013
To which I replied:
@taps83 I got called “a bit of stuff” at work the other day. I wasn’t keen on that either.
— Hayley (@over_dramatic_x) February 24, 2013
Which then started us off on a bit of banter about some men’s attitudes and the way they act and talk to us women. And it got me thinking…..why is this ok?
I work in a very male dominated industry where all of my colleagues are men and most of our clients are too. I encounter groups of men almost every day and I like to think I can handle myself pretty well and have a thick skin. I can laugh along with the banter and the mickey taking they throw my way every day because it is just that – friendly ribbing. So I am by no means a feminist who wants to preach on about women’s rights and I am not a man hater either. I know that men behave in a certain way with each other, and most of them leave it there. But what happens when men transfer that behavior out in the the world when they encounter women?
Take my tweet above for example. I won’t go into detail but this particular man thought it was appropriate to tell me that he had told some of his friends to come to my place of work to see “the bit of stuff in the office”. Ie: me. I had met this man maybe once or twice before and only in passing as he came to the office to do some work. I was shocked and offended and very politely told him that I wasn’t particularly pleased at being described in this way. I felt like I had been transported back forty years when it was acceptable to give a female colleague a pat on the bum for doing a good job! Maybe in his own slightly out of date way he meant it as a compliment, but I simply can’t see that as an acceptable way for a man to speak to a woman he doesn’t know.
Then literally the next day I had a run in with a delivery driver who asked me if I wanted to show him how I would dance around the poles he was delivering. Yep, I know. Gross. Again, I do not know this man; I see him a few times a week when he drops off our deliveries but we are by no means acquainted in any way other than that. Why did he think it was acceptable to say this to me? Or did he know it was unacceptable but decided to say it anyway? Yes he was laughing a little while he said it but it still made me feel very uncomfortable and actually quite angry. Like I said, I can take banter and I can have a laugh with most of the men I encounter, but this is just too far. I don’t need it or want it. I never flirt or lead these men on in any way, so why do they feel like they can do this? I just don’t understand it.
I’m sure nearly every woman out there has had men grind up against them in a bar or nightclub, I certainly have. I’ve even had a man get on his hands and knees behind me so he could put his hands all over my bum, completely uninvited. And when I turned around and told him to get lost, he got offended and told me he meant no offense and I should be grateful of the attention. To this day I am still dumbfounded by his actions and his reaction to my getting angry with him. What did he expect me to do? Turn around and ask him to take me right here, right now?! Please.
I know there are a lot of good guys out there who are perfect gentlemen, but they seem to be getting more few and far between. I also know that there are a lot of women out there who do not act like ladies and I’m sure there are a fair few men out there who have had their share of sexual harassment too. I heard a saying once which is: “If more women would sit down and be ladies, more men would stand up and be gentlemen.” Which I think speaks volumes.
So girls, please be ladies and never accept any kind of behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. No matter how much anybody tells you that you’re over-reacting. Everybody has the right to live their life without the fear of intimidation and wandering hands.
If any of you have experienced anything like this before I would love to hear your reactions and comments
Hayley xox
P.S. Shout out and big thanks to The Fresh Prince of Hilair AKA Shaun for inspiring this post! Follow him on Twitter here