It amazes me and gives me all of the feelings of pride that I've been a Mother for nearly four entire years. Four years of lots and lots of ups and then some downs. Four years of learning. Four years of putting someone else first at all times. Four years of feeling utter pride as I've watched my little boy - my firstborn, grow, learn and become part of this world.
I'm sitting here looking (and smiling) at a daisy that Ethan has just picked especially for me whilst he was out for a walk with his Daddy. He's a kind, thoughtful little boy and I'm so proud of him. We have our fair share of hard days, of course we do. Yesterday for example was one of those 'Is the day over yet?' days. But those nearly four years of parenting have taught me that that is all part and parcel of what it is to be a parent. Those highs and those lows - they don't get easier, they just change. And no matter how hard, you wouldn't have it any other way.
But on the other hand, Adam and I well and truly feel like we have our hands full right now. Both of our boys are energetic, full-on and very head-strong for their ages. Sometimes we feel in over our heads. And it's about practicalities too - we want to stay in our current home long-term and whilst we have plans to extend it again, another child would mean that Ethan and Logan would go on to share a room for the rest of the time that they live at home with us. I'm not sure that that's such a huge issue. But it's all these sorts of things that whizz around in my head.
I know that I don't feel ready for another right now and maybe I'll never be. Or maybe Adam won't. Or maybe we will be. Perhaps in a year or two. Who knows. All I know is that regardless to whether or not we have another child, I really do feel so lucky that Adam and I have been fortunate enough to have two happy, healthy little boys.
In terms of what else has been going on in my life lately - we've just now submitted plans to have a side extension added on to our home. It will be a two-storey front extension where our garage currently is, that will make our kitchen larger and also double the size of Logan's room. We were going to take it all the way to the back of the house, but we decided in the end that we really didn't need it and could save the money. And then we thought about adding a utility room on the back coming off of the kitchen and I'm sure it would have been lovely and we could have even had those gorgeous VELUX style windows that I love on the roof. But the room would have actually been quite narrow and in the end we decided we'd invest in a washer-dryer and use the money elsewhere.
We're planning to have the work start in just over two years time once Logan starts at pre school, just because of the disruption it's going to cause, as we will have our kitchen and hopefully garden done at the same time too. Its something that we can really look forward to and have lots of fun planning and dreaming about. I'm sure it will be totally disruptive and hard to live with during the building process, but ultimately, completely worth it.
The other big thing in my life right now is YouTube. I feel like since the start of this new year I've really been trying to upload more and more to my channel and grow an audience that interact with the content I'm posting. I've seen an increase in my subscribers and the comments I get on my videos and though YouTube feels so hard to crack, I am proud of every little milestone and success.
It's definitely not easy trying to juggle Motherhood with both this blog and my YouTube channel, as well my social media platforms in the couple of free hours I have per day. But I love both so much that I want to continue to put as much as I can in to each of them. I'm slowly, but surely nearing 3k subscribers over on my channel and whilst I know I'm a very small fish in a very large ocean it means the world when people choose to subscribe to my videos and then leave me comments to tell me that they liked them.
And so that is a little blurb about my life lately. I feel like I've emptied my head now and actually, it was quite therapeutic. :)
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