It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another blogger to share their issues, and I have a great lineup for these next couple of weeks. But since next Friday is July 4, it was suggested that I don’t post one of these because no one but me will be on the Internet, so I guess we’re skipping next week.
However, I will still blog next week for the three people online–come back and keep me company!–and we’ll resume the series on July 11 because this is fun and I want to. With that said, it’s time to present Lisa Newlin!
I love Lisa not just because she’s funny and childless, but also because she has an affinity for garden gnomes like I do. There’s really no place like gnome.
Name: Lisa Newlin
Blog: Lisa Newlin—Seriously?
Where, what and why do you write?
I live in St Louis and I’m a lawyer in real life but prefer to live in the world of fantasy and making people laugh. Although I’m not a mom, I write for NickMom, which is an anomaly in itself. Please don’t tell them I’m not a mom.
I write for the comedic release. My job is intense and stressful and before I started my blog, I was working constantly. Writing pushes me to take a break and see the funnier sides of things. It also gives me an avenue to mock my husband, so that’s a plus.
I’m working on my first book and hoping to finish it by the end if the year. The blog keeps me fresh on writing and will hopefully snag me some readers so more than just my mom will buy my book.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.
Did I seriously just drool that much?
What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?
I have shingles on my face and eye and although it sounds glamorous, it’s really not. I do, however, have to wear an eye patch, so I guess that’s the silver lining. I’m surprised at how good I look in it. Granted, I can only see myself out of one eye, but the view is good.
Three websites you visit every day.
Facebook. Yes, I realize this is lame but I’m guilty of checking it. I don’t have an excuse other than to peruse it to make sure people aren’t posting embarrassing pictures of me.
Google. I’d like to say it’s because of my never ending search for knowledge but it’s most likely just to search for things like “how to get gum out of your hair.”
Lisanewlin.com. Duh. That woman is hilarious.
What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?
I can eat half of a cookie cake (with icing) without batting an eye. Come to think of it, I’m not sure why that isn’t on my resume.
I was also a cell and molecular biology major in college and I worked for a large company conducting research on cow stomachs and how they digest varying types of food. I realize this sounds completely ludicrous but I really did do this, even if solely because I only heard the word “food” when I accepted the job.
Favorite place to be?
The beach. Despite my less-than-swimsuit ready physique, I love lounging in the sun listening to the waves crash. (I do my best to ignore the squealing children.)
My house, but only if it’s clean. We have three dogs so the house gets dirty quickly. I also spill a lot which adds to the problem. I love my clean house even more if I’m not the one who cleaned it.
At the pool, or anywhere with ice cream.
If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?
No one would be allowed to drive PT Cruisers. All animal abusers would be tortured. I would be the one doing the torturing. I would take out the Kardashians and Kanye, too. It needs to be done for the betterment of humanity.
I would make it illegal for people to ask me about when I’m going to have kids and then convince me to try to have them. It’s not only offensive; it annoys the shit out of me.
What TV show would you want to appear on?
Big Brother. It’s one of my favorite vices and since I’m a lawyer, I love strategy (and some occasional deception). I wouldn’t be good at any of the physical competitions but I can complete a logic puzzle like a savant. The only problem would be the amount of time they spend in bikinis. I’m not comfortable baring my bulges on national TV. It’s taped in L.A. in the summer so a parka is not an option.
Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?
Best: Diet coke. It’s my life line and without it I would go into seizures from with withdrawal. Then again, why would I ever allow that to happen?
Worst: Kale. I have no idea what that is or why it’s in our fridge but I think my husband is to blame.
What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?
Are you a crazy dog lady? Yes, I have three rescues and would have a million more if it was socially acceptable and if my yard could sustain any more dogs pooping in it. I love dogs more than most people.
Also, can you sing “Sweet Caroline” at a karaoke bar? No. I don’t sing it. I perform it. I can rock this song like a boss.
Like the blog? Buy the books!
P.S. Scary Mommy shared my grocery shopping post and it was shared more than 150,000 times, so thank you for your support!
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