It sometimes seems surreal to me, how much a full moon can effect, well…everything.
People are bizarre, situations intensify and stuff happens that runs parallel to the twilight zone.
From my perspective anyway. Maybe it has nothing at all to do with that, the fact that it is summer solstice, full moon, super moon…blah blah blah.
Everything that is going on around me right now, seems like a dream. Sometimes I have to shake my head and make sure I am really awake.
Pretty much every single person I know, is dealing with some kind of huge challenge.
Whether it be health, relationship, friendship, kids acting out or just plain old crazy you’d never believe it random shit…
I haven’t mentioned this before, because I know she is a private person, but my Mom is having radiation done for breast cancer right now. She is so brave, so positive and such a inspiration in my life. It amazes me how strong she is, no matter what the Universe puts in her path. She’s a fighter and every single day she amazes me with her outlook and her bravery. Cancer never had a chance.
This past week also brought some very sad news for one of my best friends Cathy…her Mom passed on. To a better place, to watch over her. My heart breaks for her in her loss…I wish I could reach past the miles and hug her with my best and biggest hug ever. I feel her sadness, the hole left in her heart, I wish I could fix it, take away her pain. But I can’t.
All I can do is be there, which I am trying my hardest to do, and to let both of you know, that you are two of the bravest, strongest most amazing women that I know, and I am so grateful to have both of you.
The last few days it has been hard for me to just get out of bed.
I feel overwhelmed. Exhausted.
I often feel this way when the moon is full. People go nuts. I always know that I will have to deal with people that I don’t know, behaving badly. This week has been no different.
And I have my own shit going on. I haven’t been feeling well, which hopefully is over now…but it gives me no coping skills. It makes me put up with nothing even close to bullshit.
Sometimes that can make me pretty hard to be around. Which I get, but it is who I am. I say what I feel, you will never wonder what is going on, I will tell you.
Basically what happens with that, is you think about what I say…and tell me to mind my own fucking business, or you give me a hug.
It’s pretty black and white.
I am no genius…but I do know how to live my life with morals and integrity. I know how I want things to be where I am, and I am just finding my way in realizing that we create our situations in life. Everything we have, we have created. Whether you believe that right this moment or not, it’s true. Think about it.
How you react to pretty much every situation, will decide the outcome, and the outcome can always be changed, depending on your reaction.
For a long time I didn’t understand that.
I have never been the smartest when it comes to reacting with thought involved. For a long time, I have been insecure…not sure that I deserved to be happy. I mean that on every level in my life, not just one…
For some reason I didn’t feel worthy of what was in my life, so I would sabotage. I am a pro at it.
I am past that now, I am sure of what I want, where I want to be, how I want to be treated. I know that everything in my life, is my doing, good and bad. I also know that I am the only one with the power to make my life better.
I honestly don’t know where this post is going, it’s everywhere. Like the Universe this week, it is just cycloning around in my head.
I have so many emotions that are all mixed together.
Everything feels so up in the air right now…my son is graduating next week, soon he will move out and start his own life as an adult. Scary, more for me than for him apparently. Life without my kids around is going to be bizarre…you never really know how to picture that when they have been the center of your life for so very long.
It makes me cry a little. Makes my heart feel funny, sad and full of pride at the same time.
Waiting for my own school results…will I get funding? Will this actually come to fruition? I want it so badly…that I believe it will, it has just been in the air for so long…
Do I sell my car? My truck? Our house?
How do I reinvent myself to be who I know I really am? It takes time, and much thought. Baby steps. Cyclones.
We are all fighting a battle of some kind. Some huge…some not so huge. But relevant no matter the size.
Some days…all you can do is laugh, or cry.
Take joy in the little things that come along the way. Friendship, growth, true love, just being alive and having to fight the fight every day.
No one said it would be easy.
But the outcome will always be whatever you want it to be.
Happy Saturday my friends, and be careful out there…the moon is full and apparently super, on the upside…welcome to summer!!! xoxo
