For the longest time, I resisted anything having to do with the 5 Love Languages. I can’t say exactly why. Words like “touchy-feely” ran through my head when I thought about it, and I figured that it was the kind of thing you wouldn’t need unless things were problematic and you needed therapy. Right?
Things haven’t been problematic with our relationship. It’s everything else right now that’s making us both crazy. Work. Upcoming travel. Upcoming moves. Family visits, here and there. More work. Throw an extra dose of work in there. I swear, I was only half-joking when I told my husband our dates and meals together had turned into training meetings!
This got me thinking. Being so insanely busy right now has taken its toll on my housekeeping, my physical fitness {I’m trying to think of the last time I got a decent run in}, and a number of other things. The last thing I want it to take a toll on is the one thing that’s going right for me now: my marriage. Time is precious, and I want that time with my husband to count and I want both of us to really appreciate the things that we do for each other.
I took the love language quiz for wives, and this is what it told me:
- Quality Time: 9
- Acts of Service: 8
- Physical Touch: 7
- Words of Affirmation: 4
- Receiving Gifts: 2
This both was and wasn’t a surprise for me. I’m really not too surprised that receiving gifts isn’t high for me, but it’s a shame – my husband is the best at picking out thoughtful and meaningful gifts. I love it when he brings flowers home from the market and comes up with surprises, but I’m just not a things person. I’m an experiences person.
That shows up in the “Quality Time” language. In that, attention is the key currency. “Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.” Yes, that’s me. “Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.” Also very much me. Spending time with my husband is very important to me, and when I’m trying to show him he’s important, I try to give him my full attention.
And “Acts of Service” is very much me as well. “Anything you can do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an ‘Acts of Service’ person will speak volumes.” No one wants to feel like they’re carrying the whole load, and anything that can be done to help is appreciated. “Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.” Yep, very much me. While I love cooking and taking care of my husband, it drives me nuts when he doesn’t pick up his stuff and leaves things on the counter for me to clean up.
Right up there in the running, too, is “Physical Touch.” Lord knows I’m a hugger.
Am I believer in the 5 Love Languages now? It remains to be seen. I think it’s a fairly accurate assessment of how I feel about things, and now that my husband has taken his test, I realize he’s a pretty even split between “Quality Time” and “Physical Touch,” with everything else lagging pretty far behind. This is a key signal to me that we both need to put down the iPhones, turn off the TV, and spend some quality time together, and that the time spent talking about our days should probably be accompanied by footrubs
I’m hoping that this leads to better communication between us and better ways for us to spend the limited time we have together, thanks to our busy schedules. One way or another, this particular language seems to work pretty well:
image: Kelly Schwark Photography
Have you taken the Love Language Profile quiz? What’s YOUR love language?