LOVE as defined by Wikipedia
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may describe actions towards others or oneself based on compassion or affection
Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?
Let us draw inspiration from our Gods. Lord Shiva and Sati/Parbati – love marriage, Parvati is an example of a female entity who has a profound effect on the male in her life, for without her, Shiva would not have been complete. Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of love and sexuality, a job she took very seriously. She was married to Hephaistos, but also had a multitude of lovers -- one of her favorites was the warrior god Ares. As the wife of the Sun God, Ra, Hathor is known in Egyptian legend as the patroness of wives. In most classical depictions, she is portrayed either as a cow goddess, or with a cow nearby -- it is her role as mother that is most often seen. However, in later periods, she was associated with fertility, love and passion. Radhika, Radharani and Radhikarani, is the childhood friend and lover of Krishna in the Brahma Vaivarta Purana, and the Gita Govinda of the Vaisnava traditions of Hinduism.[1] Radha is almost always depicted alongside Krishna and features prominently within the theology of today's Gaudiya Vaishnava sect, which regards Radha as the original Goddess or Shakti. Apart from Radha Krishna had many other female followers.
Looking at all the above it seems even our Gods preached Love and marriage is an outcome of Love. So Love marriage ruled even during that time. Irrespective of our upbringing and social conditioning we all love a Hindi movie where a lover fights all odds to get close to his love and finally get married – A happy ending. However, in real life Love Marriages are looked down by most of the society. This is because of the concept that marriages are made in heaven and the institution of marriage with all its pros and cons is hard wired as something sacrosanct over the centuries. It’s a moot point and over the centuries though we have seen changes in attitude towards love marriage but it has not been accepted well by Indian Societies very well. We still see honor killing, Child Marriage etc. prevalent in the society.
This has been happening for quite some time. Wake up in the morning, log on to your Facebook and you see one more notification of someone getting engaged, someone getting married. Ok…Facebook is a different community all together. Am I right in saying that. Nope… we see the ugliest side of love in facebook too. However facebook is just a reflection of today’s society and where portrays where a country or society is heading. Love Marriage is great!
· It breaks barriers…religious, caste, creed, geography etc
· It spreads Love which is more important than any other thing in thise love starved society
· It lets human being behave on his/her instinct and not merely suppress them because of something institutionalized by the society
· Parents have better things to teach their children rather than wasting time teaching them what a Green or Saffron color should mean to them
· Nothing is vulgur or unacceptable when it is natural…I would term Love marriage as Natural union. I am not sure if Adam and Eve got married and never heard of their marriage anniversary. They were enjoying life beside the Hiddekel…they were ion Love. In case someone would have coined the term marriage than…yes they would have been married (Union) for years because they were deeply in Love
· In the natural world without barriers Love would two individuals to decide if they want to live together and if that means they should get married they should/would do that
Among a community in North East India the if two individuals falls in love; they need to elope to prove their love. The family members would hunt them down and bring them back. They would elope again to prove their love and if this happens for the third time…the family member’s would allow them to stay together and hence a Love Marriage and the entire society agrees and approves to this wonderful concept and you will not be surprised if you visit this place to find people who are more sensitive, caring and lovable.
So …. Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?
I don’t believe in the word “Love Marriage” because marriage is always arranged as this is an artificial phenomenon and anyone who is in love if accepted/approved would go through various arrangements to get married. Hence everyone goes through Arranged Marriage whether they are in Love or Not. For Lovers again you really don’t need to go through the process of getting married but this needs to be arranged for legal and social acceptance.
Factors considered in matchmaking
In India, some of the factors to be considered in some order of priority may be taken into account for the purpose of matchmaking:
· Religion: The religious and spiritual beliefs can play a large role in finding a suitable spouse
· Caste and culture: Usually, first preference is given to the same caste. The ancestry of the individual and the family's culture and traditions also play an important part. Usually, prospective spouses are looked for from families belonging to the same region and having the same language and food habits.
· Reputation of the family and friends with power over that child
· Wealth: Families holding substantial assets may prefer to marry to another wealthy family. Dowry is extremely important in Indian marriages.
· Vocation: For a groom, the profession of doctor, accountant, lawyer or engineer are traditionally valued as excellent spouse material. More recently, any profession commanding relatively high income is also given preference. Vocation is less important for a bride[citation needed] but it is not uncommon for two people of the same vocation to be matched. Some preferred vocations for a bride include the profession of teacher, doctor, or lawyer.
· Physical fitness of the individual is taken into account in some cases.
· Horoscope: Numerology and the positions of stars at birth is often used in Indian culture to predict the success of a particular match. Horoscope becomes a determining factor if one of the partners is Mângalik (lit., negatively influenced by Mars).
Now Amongst the arguments against arranged marriage, the most prominent are:
· Arranged marriage is as good or as bad as the people arranging it. A forced mismatch, based on the values important to the arranger may not be as important to the parties involved.
· A person is limited to marry only one of the matches the parents or elders selected. Because the matches are made according to culture, background, profession, etc. it is almost impossible to marry intercultural, or from lower social background to higher and vice a versa.
· The practice of arranging marriage for economic reasons comes from Edlund and LagerlĂśf (2004) who argued that a love marriage is more effective for the promotion of accumulation of wealth and societal growth,[8] although this theory is not proven.
So Again…. Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage? The debate will continue
I do not have the tools or means to break barriers. I am not matured enough to comment on prevalent practices in the human societies. I only know that Love is the key to world peace. I am not sure if Love Marriage is a step towards this but I am sure this is a step towards moving away from hatred. There is no saga or epic on Arranged marriage; No poet has died for/in a arrange marriage. Monalisa is an outcome of Love and so is the Taj Mahal. Salim could not marry Anarkali but there love lives to this date…in case they would have; that would have been a love marriage. Same is the case with Leila Majnu… There are millions of love stories leading to successful marriage every country has many and every society has one. Look around you will see examples which are as good as a Bollywood Blockbuster….Watch the new TV show by Sony Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage! And explores the debate between love marriages and arranged marriages. You might find your answer.
I enjoyed writing this post and to conclude this let me do something which I do best – A Poem to explore this further
Made In Paradise Or Earth?
There is a white and there is black,
There are norms we can re-write;
With the highs and lows of the tide;
It brings new wisdom, brings new cry
Opens my eyes to a lot more around;
I turn around and I try to pry,
This is not the way to die;
A love-child; a lie!
Marriages made in heaven,
And heaven by a thinking mind;
Rewind!
And heaven in an unknown time;
Love made inside the nest of the heart,
Love a phenomena an adopted art;
Love inside a soul; a gift at birth;
Rewind;
Love unpolished and natural a real start.
Who compiles the memories of the earth?
Love is a memory by birth;
Marriage though a union of the mind;
Sometimes customized to accommodate the union of the heart?
Rewind!
Social norms personified and redefined human right.
There is darkness today but there will be light;
Heart dictates the love at first sight,
Peace is an outcome of love,
Human society today is love broke;
Love starved and tucked!
Values suppressed and orchestrated rubrics barked.
Killing is not an honor;
Marriages – heaven is not the informer;
Love cannot be arranged;
Destiny cannot be exchanged!
Birth is the outcome of union;
Cannot be justified by any of the rebellion;
Love and Arrange hand in hand,
Untamed rhythm, sea and sand,
Human society- women and man;
Love always will make them stand,
Nuptial is grand!
If at some stage affection rains;
Love and Arrange all same.
So Again…. Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage? The debate is here to stay….
This post is my contribution towards IndiBlogger and Sony Entertainment Television contest - Love Marriage Ya Arranged MarriageCheck out the Facebook Page www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange